She's gone

Our children have no idea that they have just lost one of their great-Grandmothers, they never met her for reasons described in my previous posts.

I took my wife back up to the hospital after the twins had gone to bed, my Mum has been stying with us for a few days to help my wife. This is great because it means we can visit the hospital without having to take the kids. Can you imagine it? Explaining to 3 and 4 year olds that this lady is your great-Grandma, she never wanted to see you but she's dying now so....

Anyway, we took some de-odorant and spare clothes up for my in-laws. They'd be awake most of the night because there was a very confused elderly man in the next room that kept trying to come into their room. The door would open and he pops in shouting:

"Where's my milk? You've stolen my milk. Get out of my room."

Wouldn't help you sleep would it?

When my wife's uncles, D and T, arrived with D's wife. We managed to persuade my in-laws to come home with us for a proper rest and the pop back in the morning. T was going to stay with his mother throughout the night so she wouldn't be alone if she died.

On the way home my mother-in-law fell asleep in the back of the car. She must have been having a nightmare about the mad old guy in the hospital because just as I was driving over a hump-backed bridge she shouted out:

"Get out! Get out! You can't come in here, I haven't got your milk."

We got her out of the car at the other end and made her comfortable on the sofa.

Just before 3am we got the call to say that Grandma had died around 2:30am. She stopped breathing. Her son, T, got one of the nurses and she confirmed that his mother had passed away. Then T started making the phone calls....

Neverending

Just as I was leaving the ofice last night I got a text from my wife saying that her Grandma had taken a turn for the worse. The doctors were estimating that she had 24 to 48 hours left.

My wife wanted to visit her and take her parents too.

The relationships on this side of the family are a little strained. My wife's Grandmother has four sons and a daughter. The eldest is my father-in-law and the youngest is the daughter, she is only 8 years older than my wife.

We see these two quite regularly but have little contact with the others. This is mainly because of the animosity that the dying women has shown to her daughter over the years. She was uncommonly distant from her daughter, J, and has been quite cruel at times, refusing to speak to her or see her grandson. There doesn't appear to be any reason for this and I guess we'll never know why.

About 9 years ago my wife's Grandfather died. Shortly after this her Grandmother wrote a letter to my wife telling her that she didn't want to see her anymore and wouldn't come to our wedding. The letter was very hurtful but some of the things in it showed that the Grandmother was confusing my wife with her daughter. Her mind had started to go and she moved in with her son D and his wife C.

As her health deteriorated rapidly over the last year, the family has been pulling back together slowly. The only problems seem to be those between the Grandmother and her daughter, J. J now lives in Dorset and is too far away to visit at the moment. Also, as she has been out of the loop for a while she thnks that everyone is at each other's throats but it just isn't like that. The semi-estranged brothers are all around the bed (apart from one, J, who has alcohol problems) and chatting sociably.

I drove my wife and her parents to the hospital as I thought it best that my father-in-law didn't drive. I'm relatively detached from the situation emotionally but he might not have been in a fit state to drive.

As it turned out my in-laws decided to sleep in charis by the bedside so that the old lady was not alone. It is palliative care only now, morphine to keep the pain away. She isn't concious and her time is near.

My wife and I got home in the early hours and tonight is going to be the same, if the old lady lives through the day..

Bad month - Part 2

So my wife has handed in her notice because we cannot find, let alone afford, suitable childcare.

Last week I had Monday to Wednesday off work to look after the kids whilst my mother-in-law was "recuperating". All of the children and my wife have got streaming colds and a stomach bug. How come I don't get sick?

My wife calls me on her first day back at work, Friday, to say she had had a panic attack in the car on the way to work. She'd got through it and dropped the kids at nursery but just broke down at work. She came home early. She hasn't had a bad panic attack for years and I think it's the stress of leaving work coupled with the illness that triggered it.

By the way, I've got a three-hour exam due on Tuesday (11th October) for my Business Studies degree and I'm trying to revise through this upheaval. The only time I've got is on the train during my commute and after 9pm when the kids are in bed and I've cooked dinner.

From Friday my wife had hot and cold sweats, nausea and really bad stomach cramps. They'd eased a little by Sunday but she was still not right so while I went to work she went to the doctors.

I called home mid-morning to see what was happening and my mother-in-law answered the phone. The doctor had sent my wife straight to the hospital for tests, a friend had driven her there. She hadn't called me because she knew about my exam and a difficult meeting I had scheduled at work, she didn't want to stress me out if it wasn't too serious.

Shortly, afterwards our friend called from the hospital to say that my wife had been admitted for observation and scans. I went home to see what was going on.

They suspect gall stones but can't be absolutely certain until an ultrasound scan has been done. My wife had been doped up with painkillers and wasn't allowed any food for a couple of days.

The next day I did my exam and then drove straight round to the hospital to pick up my better half. I'm confident I did enough in the exam to pass but, I could do with out revision days like those.

My wife has been discharged but still has a course of anti-biotics to finish and some painkillers too. The ultrasound will be done as an outpatient but, it is likley that the pain will return before the scan is done or the treatment that follows it. The GP has signed her off work for two weeks so she won't have to go back to work her notice.

All we need to do now is start planning for Christmas. Sheesh.

Bad month - Part 1

The last few weeks have been...difficult.

Our childcare arrangements have become too difficult for us to to carry on so my wife has had to give up work.

Over the last year we have made many changes to the childcare to allow my wife to keep working. For the first half of the year we were skinning ourselves as she wasn't earning enough to pay for the childcare.

It costs an average of 30 pounds a day per child, with three pre-schoolers that soon mounts up to a hefty bill. When my wife changed to a better paid full time job we drafted in the help of my mother-in-law to help out for three days a week. It meant she had to stay with us from Sunday to Wednesday and we did pay her a small amount too. The new job was school term time only too so my wife would have the kids during the breaks. With our eldest girl about to start school it meant not having to find childcare during the school holidays so all OK.

Then the nursery we used closed down. All the other ones near us only operate from 9am - 12pm so they were no help. Childminders that had spaces for three chldren were/are as rare as hen's teeth but, we got lucky and found one.

It was still very expensive though and ate all of my wife's wage. Then we found a term-time only nursery near my wife's work that was partially funded and half the price. So when the new term started, our eldest went to school the twins stayed with Nanny Monday to Wednesday and went to the new nursery on Thursday to Friday. Great.

Except the new nursery only runs until 4pm so my wife had to leave work 90 mins early every Thursday and Friday. We couldn't find any childminders that would take two young children for just two small
sessions a week during term-time only. It would use up two spaces for very little recompense so it's not worth their while.

If you're wondering why it's my wife doing all the running around for this and not me well, I work in London which is almost two hours away from home. I leave at 7am and get home at 6:45pm, IF the train are running smoothly. Local jobs don't pay enough to service all our bills and the mortgage. We can't afford to live closer to London without buying either too small a house or living in a rotten area so I commute for 3 and a half hours every day.

Anyway, my wife's work were understanding enough but couldn't keep the reduced hours going indefinitely. Then my mother-in-law twisted her ankle and had to take a break from the kids. My sister helped out for the first week but couldn't do the second. I had some time off to step in but, I don't have much leave left due to taking a lot of leave in January to care for the family when they were all hospitalised with dehydration due to a severe sickness bug.

It then turns out that my mother-in-law wasn't quite as laid up with her ankle as she had made out. She'd been out and about doing early Christmas shopping and the like. Arggh, she just doesn't realise how much of a difficulty this is for us.

My wife spoke to her work to see if she could permanently reduce her hours by an hour and a half everyday so we could move the twins to the nursery five days a week. Unfortunatley they couldn't do it so my wife is now working her notice and will stay at home with the kids until they are all at school.

Southport

Last weekend I went to Southport with my wife, kids and parents. My wife, children and mum had driven up on Thursday, stopping off for a night with my brother-in-law in Ilkley.

He moved up there to run a fish and chip shop with his boyfriend a few years back so, we don't see as much of him as we'd like.

Anyway we went to Southport to use it as a base for a few visits to my family who mainly live in and around Merseyside. There are now so many of us that it's not fair to stay over at my Grandma's house. We usually stay at a travel lodge/inn but as they have recently put their prices up we thought we'd go for some budget accommodation at Pontins, Southport.

I have a very early memory, I was about 2 years old, of having a sore ear with a scab on it. Apparently this was from friction burns on the bumpy slide at this Pontins. Well, the slide's gone but just about everything else seems to be unchanged in 30-odd years and I don't think they've cleaned since then either.

I know it was budget but that doesn't mean dirty and inadequate. The floor was filthy; greasy carpet with soil and cigarette butts littered about. The wardrobes were designed without doors, presumably to save money, one of them also had no hanging rail.

The place was supposed to sleep seven at most and it did but if there are seven people staying then why were there only 4 plates 3 forks, 5 spoons, 1 saucepan, 4 cups etc...

The cooker was thick with grime and burnt on food. My wife and mum arrived a few hours before us with the kids and, after making a complaint and requesting the bed linen that should have been there, tried to clean up aenough to get the kids settled. When we arrived at 11:30pm they had just had the linen delivered by the security guards??? after a second complaint.

I got my head down and tried to sleep through the stench of the place, its difficult to describe but the closest I can get is half-cooked minced beef.

The next day we found that everyone staying there was complaining about the filth. A few more complaints the next day and something was done whilst we were out. They'd left some extra crockery and cutlery. They hadn't hoovered but had left a vacuum cleaner for us so we could do it.

We've taken lots of pictures and the complaints have been sent to Pontins and the EHO.

Insult

Whilst we were watching the Eastbourne air show my eldest sister was explaining how, earlier in the day, they'd been to see the Red Arrows on the ground. They were signing autographs and answering questions.

Sis was musing on the age of the commander:
"He's 34. 34! Just think, " she said to her husband.
"He's the same age as you but he's the commander of the Red Arrows whilst you're a car painter."