Be careful tonight

Tonight is my work's departmental Christmas piss-up. The company one was last Friday at Hamley's toy store, we didn't get fed until 9pm and the people were so spread out through the different floors of the shop that it never really got started.

Tonight should be better, we usually have some drinks and a risque quiz in the office before heading to the pub. Last year I over did it big time, got quite ill early on in the pub and had to be taken back to a colleagues house to sleep it off. My wife wasn't very happy.

I spent the night on my colleague's (PH) sofa bed being sniffed by his Alsation. In the morning PH offered to drive me home which was very kind as I live at least 60 miles from him.

Whilst I was glad of the ride home, I really didn't feel well at all. The slightest bump could set me off. Imagine my joy when PH decided to give me a quick tour of Richmond Park before we set off for my home.

Now Richmond Park is very nice and all, lovely deers and great views over London but it has speed bumps....lots and lots of speed bumps. Groooannn.

We soon got underway and arrived home at around 2pm, I asked PH in for a cup of tea etc. When we sat in the front room my wife gave him such a frosty reception he just wanted to get out of there. He must have burnt his tonsils off he necked it so quick.

Oh well, looking forward to tonight, must remember not to drink like a twat.

Upbeat

Well it turn's out that my Mum probably had a kidney stone but it had gone its own way by the time the scans were done. She still has some problems from surgery she had a while back but, I won't go into detail about that.

My wife has been quite ill for a week but she seems to have turned the corner now and hopefully she'll be OK for Christmas. We're still waiting for a scan about her gall bladder though.

Our 4 year old daughter was in her nativity play at the school last friday and did it again at the church this morning. She was one of the angels and had to sing 'Away in a Manger'. For the most part she remembered the words but couldn't leave her wings alone. The school had someone video it and then transfer to DVD so the parents could buy it.

Best news of all is that I passed my exam, Grade 2. Phew , it's not easy studying for a degree part-time when you have a full-time job and a young family. Only four more years to go until I get that BA.

Rate your life

Found this on Laura's blog.

I didn't score as high as she did though.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.9
Mind:	6.2
Body:	8.4
Spirit:	7.4
Friends/Family:	5.4
Love:	3.6
Finance:	7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Mum gets some rest

My Mum is still in hospital. She was admitted as she had severe abdominal pain and was passing blood. Kidney stones were suspected but have now been ruled out. The gall bladder is the latest suspect.

Mum is dosed up with painkillers so feels a bit monged out but isn't in any pain now. Hopefully she'll get home by the weekend.

Shiner

My little girl (4 years) almost left us yesterday.

On the way home from school she was running on the path, despite being told repeatedly not to run anywhere near the road. My wife was walking with the twins (2 years) so couldn't hold the eldest's hand too.

As our girl skipped along the path she stumbled and fell into the road, banging her head on the tyre of a car sitting at the lights. Fortunately, the lights had only just turned green and the car hadn't started to move so all she has is a slight black-eye. Two seconds later and....

I felt sick when I heard.

Mum's not well

My Mum was admitted to hospital last night. Nothing too serious, they suspect kidney stones and hopefully she'll be out later today if the pain has subsided and they are able to confirm it is stones.

I hope she's feeling better in a day or two. The weather forecast says snow is on the way in a few days and Mum loves the snow.

Frosty start

It's been bloody cold here for the last week, frosty mornings and chilly nights.

Note to self: When you get to the office, wait for your hands to warm up before you go to the loo.

Back to School

I had last Tuesday off work to go to school for the morning with our 4 year old daughter. It was to give us a feel for what her days are like and also so she can show off a bit.

Being so young there is not much school work given, it's more like structured play. A register is taken, not by calling out names but by the kids picking up a laminated card with their names on it and putting it in a box. Any left over means there not in. Of course the teacher takes a more formal head count but this is a bit of fun for the kids and helps them recognise their names in written form.

Then they go through the plans for the day using picture cards pinned on the wall, the pictures represent different activities; like an apple for breaktime.

We stayed until just after their mid-morning playtime. Our little one skinned her knees (again) whilst running. Whilst she was being cleaned up by her Mum, I played hide and seek with her friend, M, and a few others. M knows me from outside school too so she was happy to play.

M and I were hiding behind the big tyre that had a group of boys sitting on it. One of the boys came up to me and said, "'Scuse me but can you stop Tristan crying? He's really sad."

I looked over and saw a little lad breaking his heart over something, it had to be Tristan. "Tristan, what's the matter?"

"Sob, sniff. Oliver pulled my hair. Sob, sniff."

The little boy who had asked me for help turned out to be Oliver, "But I said sorry," he looked at his feet then added, "And I smoothed his hair out again."

Don't encourage him, try not to laugh. I asked Tristan if he wanted to play hide and seek. That stopped the tears pronto, just in time for the end of play bell.

Dads are disgusting

Two foot related things from this weekend.

My wife was having a bath on Saturday morning, the kids were all dressed and ready for the eldest's swimming lesson and I just needed a shower before we set off.

Whilst I'm waiting for the bathroom I decided to cut my fingernails. The kids are a little interested but they've seen it before. Then I thought I'd have a go at my toenails. Now, the twins haven't seen me do this before so they are both quite amazed. S'weird what gets them, isn't it?

Anyway I'm trying to get the clippings into the bin but one pings off a few feet. The twins are fighting each other because the both want to collect the missing toenail clipping and put it in the bin. I had a few minutes of great fun pinging the clippings off and watching them scurry after them.

Then last night we were trying to get the kids up to the bath for a wash, they were a little reluctant so I said, "Who wants a bath with Daddy then?"

"I do, I do, I do," they all shout.

"Great, well one at a time then and you can all take it in turns to sand Daddy's feet with the pumice stone."

I wonder how old they'll be when they realise how yucky that is.

So unfair

It was the birthday of one of my close colleagues today so a few of us went out for a pint or two a lunch time. As we were sitting around the table the conversation got on to the current political debate about banning smoking in public places.

No one at the table smokes now but most of us used to, except for TS.

"I used to smoke 60 a day," said SR.

"I started on those little 'Tom Thumb' cigars when I was 14 but I haven't smoked for ages now." I said.

NR chimed in with "I used to smoke a pipe."

...and so it went on until TS, who looked thoughtful for a few seconds says, "So, you ALL used to smoke, I've never smoked in my life but I'm the only one who's had fucking cancer."

Scared

"What did you say to F about the plugs?" asked my wife.

F is our 4 year old daughter.

"Eh? Oh, she was playing with her hairdryer last night trying to plug it in," I replied. "I was worried she'd stick her fingers in the socket so I told her not to play with the plugs because electricity can be dangerous. Why, what happened?"

"She was very worried this afternoon. She picked up the nightlight in her room and saw it had prongs on the back. She dropped it and kept asking me when she was going to be dead."

"Maybe I overdid it on the warnings."

Still hungry

Meal times can be a battlefield at our house. Food that the kids have eaten quite happily for years is suddenly treated as toxic waste.

"Have you eaten all your dinner?" I ask.

"Urghh, I don't like it, Daddy," they say in chorus.

"Which bit don't you like?"

"Sweetcorn," replies the eldest.

"Sweetcorn?...Sweetcorn? But you ate it yesterday and liked it."

Pause for thought. "But...erm...I'm full."

"I'm full too, Daddy," say the other two.

"Well, if you eat two more mouthfuls you can have a yoghurt," I bribe them.

"I want a yoghurt," says the youngest girl.

"I thought you were full."

"I got a bit of room here," she says, lifting her t-shirt up to point at the side of her tummy.

Nice try.

Bad month - Part 2

So my wife has handed in her notice because we cannot find, let alone afford, suitable childcare.

Last week I had Monday to Wednesday off work to look after the kids whilst my mother-in-law was "recuperating". All of the children and my wife have got streaming colds and a stomach bug. How come I don't get sick?

My wife calls me on her first day back at work, Friday, to say she had had a panic attack in the car on the way to work. She'd got through it and dropped the kids at nursery but just broke down at work. She came home early. She hasn't had a bad panic attack for years and I think it's the stress of leaving work coupled with the illness that triggered it.

By the way, I've got a three-hour exam due on Tuesday (11th October) for my Business Studies degree and I'm trying to revise through this upheaval. The only time I've got is on the train during my commute and after 9pm when the kids are in bed and I've cooked dinner.

From Friday my wife had hot and cold sweats, nausea and really bad stomach cramps. They'd eased a little by Sunday but she was still not right so while I went to work she went to the doctors.

I called home mid-morning to see what was happening and my mother-in-law answered the phone. The doctor had sent my wife straight to the hospital for tests, a friend had driven her there. She hadn't called me because she knew about my exam and a difficult meeting I had scheduled at work, she didn't want to stress me out if it wasn't too serious.

Shortly, afterwards our friend called from the hospital to say that my wife had been admitted for observation and scans. I went home to see what was going on.

They suspect gall stones but can't be absolutely certain until an ultrasound scan has been done. My wife had been doped up with painkillers and wasn't allowed any food for a couple of days.

The next day I did my exam and then drove straight round to the hospital to pick up my better half. I'm confident I did enough in the exam to pass but, I could do with out revision days like those.

My wife has been discharged but still has a course of anti-biotics to finish and some painkillers too. The ultrasound will be done as an outpatient but, it is likley that the pain will return before the scan is done or the treatment that follows it. The GP has signed her off work for two weeks so she won't have to go back to work her notice.

All we need to do now is start planning for Christmas. Sheesh.

Bad month - Part 1

The last few weeks have been...difficult.

Our childcare arrangements have become too difficult for us to to carry on so my wife has had to give up work.

Over the last year we have made many changes to the childcare to allow my wife to keep working. For the first half of the year we were skinning ourselves as she wasn't earning enough to pay for the childcare.

It costs an average of 30 pounds a day per child, with three pre-schoolers that soon mounts up to a hefty bill. When my wife changed to a better paid full time job we drafted in the help of my mother-in-law to help out for three days a week. It meant she had to stay with us from Sunday to Wednesday and we did pay her a small amount too. The new job was school term time only too so my wife would have the kids during the breaks. With our eldest girl about to start school it meant not having to find childcare during the school holidays so all OK.

Then the nursery we used closed down. All the other ones near us only operate from 9am - 12pm so they were no help. Childminders that had spaces for three chldren were/are as rare as hen's teeth but, we got lucky and found one.

It was still very expensive though and ate all of my wife's wage. Then we found a term-time only nursery near my wife's work that was partially funded and half the price. So when the new term started, our eldest went to school the twins stayed with Nanny Monday to Wednesday and went to the new nursery on Thursday to Friday. Great.

Except the new nursery only runs until 4pm so my wife had to leave work 90 mins early every Thursday and Friday. We couldn't find any childminders that would take two young children for just two small
sessions a week during term-time only. It would use up two spaces for very little recompense so it's not worth their while.

If you're wondering why it's my wife doing all the running around for this and not me well, I work in London which is almost two hours away from home. I leave at 7am and get home at 6:45pm, IF the train are running smoothly. Local jobs don't pay enough to service all our bills and the mortgage. We can't afford to live closer to London without buying either too small a house or living in a rotten area so I commute for 3 and a half hours every day.

Anyway, my wife's work were understanding enough but couldn't keep the reduced hours going indefinitely. Then my mother-in-law twisted her ankle and had to take a break from the kids. My sister helped out for the first week but couldn't do the second. I had some time off to step in but, I don't have much leave left due to taking a lot of leave in January to care for the family when they were all hospitalised with dehydration due to a severe sickness bug.

It then turns out that my mother-in-law wasn't quite as laid up with her ankle as she had made out. She'd been out and about doing early Christmas shopping and the like. Arggh, she just doesn't realise how much of a difficulty this is for us.

My wife spoke to her work to see if she could permanently reduce her hours by an hour and a half everyday so we could move the twins to the nursery five days a week. Unfortunatley they couldn't do it so my wife is now working her notice and will stay at home with the kids until they are all at school.

Me

7th October 2005
This blog is mainly for my kids, I want them to have something to look back on when I'm dead.

That doesn't mean I don't welcome comments though so, post all you like.

Family
I thought it about time I put some pertinent facts together for easy reference.

I'm 34 and married with three kids:

4 year old girl who has just started school

2 year old boy

2 year old girl

Yes, twins. The 4 year old was just 18mths old when the twins were born and it has been very hard keeping things together with three babies on the go.

I'm the eldest of 5 children myself, three sisters and one brother.

Work
I work in IT for an organisation based in London. I've had lots of other jobs before this including; catering, window-fitting and office cleaning.

I left school at 16 with a few GCSEs. I hated school with a passion, I couldn't stand the idiots I had to share it with.
So I've put myself through the pain of acquiring an education later in life.

Apart from numerous vocational qualifications, I'm also working towards a degree; a BA in 'Business Studies with ICT' from the Open University.

What happened to my baby girl?

My eldest girl started school recently. For the first four weeks she was only doing half-days, mornings one week and afternoons the next. This week is her first of full days.

On her first day I took the day off work to take her to school and pick her up. She looked so grown up in her uniform. Very smart shoes, grey skirt, white polo shirt and a cardigan with the school badge on. She also has a bag with the badge on.

It goes so quickly. I remember when she was born she had a touch of jaundice and had to stay in a bili-bed (a UV treatment bed for jaundiced babies) to help her get over it. She was so tiny and helpless. Now she comes home with grazed knees from the playgound and thinks nothing of it.

She still wants lots of cuddles, I wonder how long that'll last.

Defrost

We went to my wife's Uncle Reggie and Aunty Shelly's 25th wedding anniversary bash last night. It was in the 'Plough and Horses' pub in Crowborough and was a really good night.

The buffet was excellent and my kids had a great time dancing in their party frocks. The youngest daughter (2 and-a-half) was very pleased to be wearing a matching dress to her big sister, "Look, F, look. We're the same."

We left around 10ish and the kids soon dropped off in the car. After I'd put them to bed I went to the garage to get a chicken out of the freezer for lunch today. I saw a little pool of water on the floor and when I opened the freezer I realised the whole lot had defrosted. Someone had accidentally switched the freezer off. We only just stocked up about five days ago so we lost around £200 worth.

Gutted, I'm absolutely gutted. We can't afford it so it'll have to go on the credit card. Nuts.

Complaints about shopping

This is a plea to the wives and girlfriends out there. Maybe if you read it here you won't take as much offence as if your boyf/hubby were to tell you. Please, please, please, when you are out for the day and decide to pop into a shop don't say, "I'll only be 5 or 10 minutes."

It's a lie, you lose track of time when you're shopping. Just take an hour or two then we can wander off and do something more interesting than hanging around the changing rooms or carparks of the world's shops. I wasted two hours of my life yesterday sitting around waiting for '5 or 10 minutes'.

Brown soap

At the end of the second day in Southport the kids had been really busy playing at their great-grandma's. They needed a bath so we cleaned it out, filled it up and piled them in.

About 10 minutes later my 4-year old daughter casually said, "Ooo, the soaps gone brown....urrgghh it's not soap it's poo."

After the double quick exodus from the bath we find that the youngest girl had been unable to contain her excitement. So it's baths all round again.

Southport

Last weekend I went to Southport with my wife, kids and parents. My wife, children and mum had driven up on Thursday, stopping off for a night with my brother-in-law in Ilkley.

He moved up there to run a fish and chip shop with his boyfriend a few years back so, we don't see as much of him as we'd like.

Anyway we went to Southport to use it as a base for a few visits to my family who mainly live in and around Merseyside. There are now so many of us that it's not fair to stay over at my Grandma's house. We usually stay at a travel lodge/inn but as they have recently put their prices up we thought we'd go for some budget accommodation at Pontins, Southport.

I have a very early memory, I was about 2 years old, of having a sore ear with a scab on it. Apparently this was from friction burns on the bumpy slide at this Pontins. Well, the slide's gone but just about everything else seems to be unchanged in 30-odd years and I don't think they've cleaned since then either.

I know it was budget but that doesn't mean dirty and inadequate. The floor was filthy; greasy carpet with soil and cigarette butts littered about. The wardrobes were designed without doors, presumably to save money, one of them also had no hanging rail.

The place was supposed to sleep seven at most and it did but if there are seven people staying then why were there only 4 plates 3 forks, 5 spoons, 1 saucepan, 4 cups etc...

The cooker was thick with grime and burnt on food. My wife and mum arrived a few hours before us with the kids and, after making a complaint and requesting the bed linen that should have been there, tried to clean up aenough to get the kids settled. When we arrived at 11:30pm they had just had the linen delivered by the security guards??? after a second complaint.

I got my head down and tried to sleep through the stench of the place, its difficult to describe but the closest I can get is half-cooked minced beef.

The next day we found that everyone staying there was complaining about the filth. A few more complaints the next day and something was done whilst we were out. They'd left some extra crockery and cutlery. They hadn't hoovered but had left a vacuum cleaner for us so we could do it.

We've taken lots of pictures and the complaints have been sent to Pontins and the EHO.

Enough is enough

Saturday was another busy day. We got back from Eastbourne with the kids at around 10:30 Friday night and I got to bed around 11:30, up again at 6am.

Our eldest had a swimming lesson at 10:30 and all the kids went to a birthday party for a friend from nursery at 3pm.

They enjoyed the party but, overtired toddlers out of their heads on sugar are not good for my blood pressure.

At about 6:30pm I've calmed the girls down to get them ready for bed and I'm trying to do the same with my son. He has very different ideas though, throwing his toys around, screaming punching etc. A real tantrum.

I almost lost it with him but managed to walk away. I had to get out of the house to cool down and wandered around the village for a bit.

I'd strolled down one of the public footpaths that cut across fields. It passes through the back of the church graveyard, the new bit where the recent burials are. All these graves are still well tended, fresh flowers and gleaming headstones.

One of them was for a young boy, who was born on 4th August 2004. There were fresh flowers and a little stone teddy bear. As his birthday had just passed there was a new present for him, a shiny red fire engine wrapped in a little blue ribbon.

It made me cry and was just the jolt I needed to put things in perspective. My son might be a little sod when he's tired and full of sugar but I still have him and I'm so lucky.

I walked back home to give him a cuddle but he'd already gone to sleep so I just crept in the room and kissed his forehead.

Insult

Whilst we were watching the Eastbourne air show my eldest sister was explaining how, earlier in the day, they'd been to see the Red Arrows on the ground. They were signing autographs and answering questions.

Sis was musing on the age of the commander:
"He's 34. 34! Just think, " she said to her husband.
"He's the same age as you but he's the commander of the Red Arrows whilst you're a car painter."

Latest assignment complete

Crikey, that took a while. 45 pages of skills assessment sent of to the Open University.

I had lots to write about in the blog but had to force myself to stay away until I'd finished the course assignment, otherwise I'd procrastinate away all my study time.

Quick recap of things that have happened since I last posted.


* Our 4 year old is gearing up for school, she starts on 5th September for several weeks of half days.
* The nursery that the twins were attending on Thursdays has closed and haven't been able to fins another nurssery place that will take them for term-time only, one day a week. A childminder has proved elusive too so, we're relying on the goodwill of friends for the foreseeable.
* Eldest daughter is currently in Eastbourne with my parents for a week. Her 6 year old cousin, who she adores, is there too.
* We went to the Eastbourne air show last weekend and were treated to the first display flight by an RAF pilot in the new Eurofighter Typhoon. Apparently it cannot be flown without the aid of the onboard computer but, WOW, it turns like no other fighter plane I've seen before.
* Lots of other boring, mundane stuff I can't really remember.

Awkward questions

My train home was cancelled so I got in about 20 minutes late, just in time to get my 4 year old daughter out of the bath and dry her off ready for bed.

As I'm drying her legs, "Daddy, what does 'dead' mean?"

Oh f**k. What am I going to say to that one? "Well, when something is dead it means you will never, ever see it again."

"Forever and ever?"

"Yes."

"And people too?"

"Yes, people too. It can be very sad."

"But...where do they go then?"

er,,,uh,,,ermm. Think, think, non-religious answer. "Some people think they go to heaven to be with Jesus."
Nuts, I took the easy way out.

Well there's time to go over it when she's old enough to understand more fully.

She knows a little about Jesus as my Mum sometimes takes her to church. I was raised Catholic but am now lapsed, more agnostic than atheist. I don't believe now but I'll reserve the right to change my mind when I'm desperate on my death bed. Agnostic = hypocrit?

"Is the butterfly with Jesus?" As she points to the remains of a moth on the outside of the bathroom window.

"It might be, sweetie. Now put your nightie on and we'll have a story."

Nice but, not funny

We went to see the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film on Saturday. It was a belated birthday treat for my 6 year-old niece and a chance for our daughter to play with her again. They used to spend a lot of time together before we moved last year. Now it's an 80 mile round trip and whilst we visit our parents often, it isn't always easy to fit in a visit to my sister as she works shifts.

It was a busy day. Our daughter had her first swimming lesson at 10:30, then an hour's drive to my Mum's, lunch, pick up my niece, cinema, food, bit of shopping, back to my Mum's for the twins and then home. Got back around 10:15pm. Worn out.

The swimming went quite well in the end. Our little one is a bit shy of new people and situations so she took a bit of persuading and her Mum had to sit poolside with her whilst I played human Buckaroo with all the bags and the twins. There were four kids in the lesson and two tutors so one of them spent a few minutes coaxing her into the pool. Once she got in and started to do the activities she was fine, she was very full of herself on the way up to her Grandma's house.

We left the twins with my parents. I say parents but really it's Mum, my brother and sisters. Dad loves the kids but he's adept at not noticing a stinky nappy or a tantrum. I don't think he does it on purpose, he literally doesn't see or hear them unless he's focussing on them. Apparently this is a pretty standard male trait, something evolutionary to do with not needing interpersonal skills to sit on a rock all day waiting for dinner to trot past. I'm not convinced of the theory but it might explain why my wife is always saying things like, "I TOLD you I was going shopping today."

Any-who the film was OK, don't worry I'm not going to review it. People laughed in places that just weren't funny, at least I couldn't see the humour. There was one woman who laughed at nearly everything, including the adverts before it started. You know the type of person? Probably got no TV at home so finds tired jokes replayed by bored Ad-men hilarious, no doubt she'd find 'Last of the Summer Wine' a bit too risque.

Towards the end of the movie there's a scene where Willy Wonka is having his haircut and has his hat off, our daughter turns to her Mum, "Mummy, Willy Wonka looks like you."

Great. Does that mean I'm attracted to Johnny Depp? He does look half female after all.

Paper competition

Meet Joe Black was on TV the other night. My wife and I went to see that at the pictures when it came out. About five minutes into the film Brad Pitt's character is hit by a truck and killed. Some of the guys in the audience laughed and some cheered.

This reaction came from the competiton Brad gives them in the bedroom. Their girlfriends were teenagers who probably had Brad posters floor to ceiling in their rooms. Looking up at the naked torso of Brad Pitt can really put you off your stride.

Being a little older, I didn't have the 'Brad' problem. I was haunted by Jason Donovan. "Too many broken hearts in the world." SHUT UP, you balding gimp, you're making me impotent.

I'm invisible

I was talking with a colleague this morning.

Me: "I saw a bit of Mars Attacks last night."

Colleague: "Oh yeah it was on Sky, yak-yak yak yak yak."

"I never realised Jack Black was in it until...."

A customer walks up with a mobile phone and a Blackberry device, places them on the desk in front of my colleague "Will he lose anything off either of these?". No by-your-leave or smile just hijack the space and cut me off.

I wandered off muttering "Oh so I'm invisible now?"

You rude bitch. OK we weren't talking about work but at least acknowledge there's a conversation going on and make some sort of "sorry to interrupt" comment. If you ever need my help you're going straight to the bottom of the pile. I would never just barge into the monologue of shoes and handbags that you offload on your workmates.

Some secretaries, sorry PAs (ha), are like that. Full of pride in their delegated authority with none of the political charm their boss needed to get to the position he/she is in.

Want to know how to get people to do things for you? Treat them as people and not staff.

Lucky chap

"A funny thing happened to me on the way to work this morning. My tube blew up."

Missing you

Our 4 year old daughter went to stay with my wife's parents this week. She was very excited about going.

On Monday night we were just having dinner before they set off. Our little girl is hovering around her Nanny waiting for her to finish her meal. As soon as Nanny had picked up the last forkfull the plate was whisked away by the little one and she came back to drag her Nanny to the car. Talk about eager.

My wife called her Mum last night to see how they were getting on.

In the background she can hear our daughter asking, "Is that Mummy, Nanny?" So Nanny put her on the phone.

"Mummy, are you picking me up tonight afternoon or in the morning afternoon?" She's still learning about time

"I'm not coming to get you until Friday, sweetie."

Excitedly, "Oh good. Bye."

It's good to feel wanted.

Hair dryer

I got soaked on the way to the station today. My coat's waterproofing seems to have worn off so I had a miserable hour drying out on the train. My shirt has a big water stain on it that looks like I've been sleeping in the gutter.

Wouldn't it be great if the stations had giant, walk in hot air dryers? I've seen them at theme parks near the water rides, £1 for 3 mins drying time.

Not very eco friendly though.

Speaking of which, the water companies have slapped another hosepipe ban down this summer. Apparently the current spate of rain doesn't soak through to the aquifers underground but just runs of the baked-solid earth into the rivers.

So why not put gutters and drain-pipes on the rivers eh? Yeah, I know I'm a f**kwit.

Rude awakening

As I haven't been injured, or know anyone who has been injured in the bombings, the worst thing about them are the way it changes your perceptions of people.

I nodded off on my train during this morning's commute. There was no one sitting next to me when I drifted off. When I came to at London Bridge there was someone next to me. I glanced sideways and saw...
...an Asian man with a rucksack. Suddenly I'm wide awake and edgy.

Intellectually I know there is probably no threat from this man, the rucksack is too small and I saw inside it when he put his book away but, that doesn't stop the automatic tightening of my stomach. He must be getting odd looks all the time, he knows why too.

So that's what the bombs have left us with; either struggling against our gut reactions or having to put up with suspicious glares and distrust.

All done

London bomb explosions

Got home at normal time in the end. Left the office at 16:55, made a wide sweep round the police cordon and walked down to Charing Cross to get my usual train.

I hope I never write another post with the subtitle 'London bomb explosions'.

Detonators only

London bomb explosions

It appears that the explosions were detonators only and no one has been seriously hurt.

There was a search in the local area, particualry around the hosiptal, for a man who ran from Warren St. tube station but, that has ended now.

Still no idea when we'll be let out of the building though.

Waiting for the truth

London bomb explosions

Hearing reports of nail bombs, gunshots and another incident on a bus. We're now stuck in that limbo period between finding out something has happened and waiting for the truth about the incidents.

We've been advised to stay in the building again.

We understand that a series of incidents have been reported near Warren Street, Oval and Shepherd's Bush stations on the London Underground. The stations have been evacuated. We are currently trying to obtain more information and will keep you informed of any developments by email. Our current advice is for people to stay in the building.

Euston Road is uncommonly calm again. Another Thursday.

Not again

London bomb explosions

Just heard of three incidents on the tube at Shepherd's Bush, Oval and Warren Street. I use Warren Street.

Still early and not much information but the Sky News web site have reported eye-witness accounts of a man with an exploding rucksack, who looked "shocked and extremely dismayed".

I hope it's not going to be another day like *that* Thursday.

Trying to forget my holiday

I've been trying to forget my recent holiday to Cornwall but I just found this picture on my phone that reminded me how bad it was:

"Free Admition"??? What were they going to admit?
That this dive should carry a health warning: 'Please be aware that smoking is permitted anywhere and anytime on this site, even during the toddlers showtime. Bring your kids and let them share in the passively induced joy of lung cancer.'

The scenery was great and the beaches would have been good too, if it hadn't rained so much. There wasn't a whole lot to do with the kids when it was raining. That's why we chose to go to a Haven holiday park.

Haven throw in a lot of on site entertainment but frankly the place was a dive. The floors were sticky, the decor was peeling from the walls and the whole place looked and felt shabby. It was like a burberry gulag.

We went to a Haven site last year in Dorset, Warmwell, and it was quite nice. However, Haven no longer operate from the Warmwell site, based on our experiences at the Perran Sands site I can only assume that Warmwell wasn't downmarket enough for them.

Cynic

Maybe I'm just getting too cynical but this full page advert by Sainsburys supermarket in the Metro newspaper of 11/07/05 made me cringe.



It just strikes me as really off colour to use the bombings as an advertising opportunity.

Still missing

There are many people still looking for friends and relatives that may have been caught up in the explosions. It seems unlikley that they will get good news.

The recovery of bodies is taking a long time due to the conditions underground and the need to gather forensic information.

A helpline was setup for people to call if they are looking for someone, it has since become known that this line is charging upto 40 pence a minute. Now that is just sick profitering and someone needs a good kick up the arse.

My wife called her best friend on Friday and left her a voice mail. She hadn't heard anything back by Saturday When she remembered that her friend's husband had an old friend visiting from Chicago. So we start to get worried that they had taken him out sightseeing in London. More 'phone calls over weekend but, still no trace by Sunday night.

Finally we hear from her this morning, they'd been out and about and only got the messages recently. Phew.

First day back after the bombs

After a sunny weekend spent hacking back an overgrown Wisteria, it's my first day back at work since the bombings.

It was almost a normal journey in, dozing on the mainline train. As we sailled past Waterloo station I looked down, idly watching people scurrying about on their way to work. Something didn't look quite right though. It was the bicycles, there were a lot more than normal. Many of the riders looked like they hadn't been on a bike in years, wobbling along on brand new fold up bikes. I bet Halfords did a roaring trade this weekend from people too worried to use the tube or buses again.

When the train was nearing Charing Cross I started to think of my own journey on the tube and considered walking instead. This only lasted a minute though before I decided to get the tube as normal, after all this fear and disruption is part of what the bastards wanted wasn't it?

I've just heard a siren again, this is quite normal for Euston but just for a second I got a little tightening in my stomach.

It's fair to say that people are, largely, carrying on as normal through a sense of defiance and yet there is an edge to the day that wasn't there until Thursday 7th July 2005.

Home

London bomb explosions

Finally let out of work at 3pm. The police had to check the area as we were so close to the attack sites.

I walked down to Charing Cross with three colleagues fully expecting it to be chaotic trying to get a train home. There were very few trains running but I was lucky and got on one pretty quickly with one of my colleagues. He got to Sevenoaks and then his wife came to meet him there. I went on to Tonbridge and met my wife there before going to the nursery to pick up the kids.

The mobile networks were becoming easier to use so, I called my Grandma in Liverpool to let her know I was home. Also called my Mum.

Kids now in bed and I'm typing this with a glass of wine next to me. Still feeling shaky and very lucky.

I've been caught up in the periphery of bomb attacks before (IRA) but this was a lot closer. Work is shut tomorrow, we're to call a number on Sunday to check a recorded message teling us whether we can go back to work or not.

Fatalities are confirmed at 37 and still rising. Some of the living casualties must have horrific injuries. Earlier I felt guilty for being glad it's not me, now I just feel very saddened for the victims and their relatives.

At lunch yesterday we were overjoyed that London had won the bidding to host the 2012 olympics. Today we sat together scraping around for things to say, just glad to be there.

Get off the line

London bomb explosions

My wife had a call on her mobile earlier. It was Orange making a marketing call as her contract was coming up for renewal.

My wife said, "Look, it's not a good time at the moment."

"OK, Madam. Can you tell me when would be a good time to call you back?"

"How about when London is not under a terrorist attack and I'm not waiting for a call from my Husband who is stuck in Euston?"

Honestly, have a bit of common sense people.

Looks like a sleepover

London bomb explosions

Just had lunch, as you might expect the mood is very sombre.

It's highly unlikely that many of us will get home tonight. I've got some wash stuff from my gym bag and I can sleep under the desk.

Here's the latest company e-mail:

"We are continuing to monitor the situation outside carefully.
It is clear that the aftermath of the explosions earlier this morning is going to have a devastating effect on the transport system.
At present, we understand that this area is cordoned off, although we are currently getting advice from the police.
At the moment the advice remains to stay in the building.
As soon as we have some guidance from the police we will advise staff immediately.

Once it is clear that it is safe for people to leave the building, those who can get home on foot will be encouraged to do so.
There will be more information about plans for tomorrow (Friday) later today. At the moment we are advising people to cancel all visitors and meetings, and staff who can get home tonight are advised not to try to get in to work tomorrow . The summer party, planned for tomorrow evening will now be cancelled, and hopefully rearranged in the future. (Refunds will be made on tickets purchased).

Some people may find that they cannot get home at all this evening. The building will obviously remain open and we will try to cater for any staff stranded as best we can.

Lastly, if there are any members of staff who were due to come in to the office today, who are still unaccounted for, please contact **** or **** in HR immediately. At the moment we believe that all members of staff are accounted for.

We will continiue to communicate via e-mail, so please check your e-mails regularly. In addition there will be information on the telephone number on the back of our security passes and on the external website.
If anyone does not have access to e-mail in your area, please ensure that you keep them informed.

Director of Resources"

Constant sirens

London bomb explosions

Our offices are close to the University College Hospital, there are ambulances streaming in and out of there all the time. The sirens blaring, reminding us all the time that there are casualties all around. Quite surreal to think of the chaos outside whilst the office is calm.

News is still confusing, at least six explosions on the tubes and buses. Reports of suspect packages and bombs being found and neutralised. Two dead at Aldgate East.

Some specualtion about who has done it and how many dead but few firm facts. We're waiting for the Prime Minister's first press announcement, don't expect much more in the way of facts though, still too early.

I feel lucky that my children are all too young to worry about me but I just want to hold them now.

Scared

London bomb explosions

Nearly everyone here is scared now, some more than others. My hands are shaking a little. Just spoke to my mum to let her know I'm OK.

Charles Clarke just made a statement to the press, nothing new at the moment. He urged people not to make any journeys unless absolutely necessary and expressed concern and regret at the reports of the terrible injuries some people have sustained.

Just received this e-mail from our HR director:

"As people are probably aware, there has been a series of explosions on public transport in London this morning, including at least one or two in the vicinity of the office. It is difficult to know what to do at this stage, but we are keeping the situation under very close review.

The best advice we can give staff right now is to stay in the office. We are advising staff who are on their way to work, not to try to get in.

We will keep you informed of any developments during the course of the day."

Family

London bomb explosions

Spoke to my wife, she hadn't heard the news at all. I'm staying in the office for now, seems the safest place at the moment.

Wife called back, she has spoken to my mum and one of my sisters now to let them know I'm OK. They had heard the news and were panicking because they couldn;t reach me on the mobile phone. Mobiles aren't working here because everyone is using them at the same time, network jammed.

No official line from the government yet, cabinet is meeting now.

Getting worse

London bomb explosions

Friend's brother works near Russell Square. He says there was a bomb on bus near there, bodies in street. Feel sick now.

Trains derailled in Edgware.

What's going on?

London bomb explosions

There's been an explosion at Liverpool Street station tube. Several walking wounded and one life threatening injury apparently.

Another incident at Edgware Road tube, possibly a train collision. Rumours of body parts near Aldgate.

Confusing information coming through the news channels. Not sure of the cause, it seems there are rumours it is caused by a power surge but that just sounds like a smokescreen to reduce panic to me.

Constant sirens now for over an hour, getting a bit scary now, going to call the wife.

Raspberries to Jacques Chirac

London got the olympics for 2012, I've just heard the announcement on the radio. I cannot wait to go to some of the games. During the Sydney olympics my wife and I decided to go to Athens for the next games. Then we had the kids and it was out of the question. In 2012, we can all go and it's on the doorstep. YES.

There are problems to overcome in staging it, building the stadiums and accommodation, shoring up the transport system, getting the funding and so on. These things can be achieved.

To all the cynics out there, I know there are problems associated with hosting the event but nothing worth having is easy to get.

Oooooh, the Red Arrows display team have just flown past leaving a red, white and blue smoke trail, well this is something worth celebrating.

On a final note, it is a particularly good feeling to beat France after Chirac's comments prior to G8. I'd rather have roast beef over frog's legs any day.

Stop staring at my t*ts

I had a meeting yesterday with my boss and two of our clients. Both of the clients were women wearing low cut tops.

In situations like this I find my eyes drawn to a certain area whether I find the woman attractive or not, I guess there's some evolutionary theories in there somewhere but they all sound like excuses to lech. I understand it's bad form to ogle, I know not to do it so I make sure not to look. It's a minor struggle sometimes but not beyond me, especially in the working environment.

Even outside of work I cringe when I see some guy virtually drooling at a tight pair of jeans. It's worse when the jeans are 20 something and the eyes are 50 something. Be a bit more discrete, no wonder some women consider all men to be potential rapists. So although I appreciate a good figure, I'm not about to turn primal at the drop of a hat. Not all men seem able to restrain themselves though.

Back in the meeting I'm discussing web hosting options and the like, everytime I turn to my boss for confirmation on a point or two I catch him staring at one the client's chests. We wrap the meeting up and head off for the lifts.

Once inside he says, "If only all our customers were so nice and easy to get on with."

"..and with big cleavages too," I reply.

He realises I'm trying to warn him about the ogling, "Yep, yep, that too. You know sometimes I'm accused of being a bit lecherous but it's these glasses. They're bi-focal so I have to look down a lot to focus and sometimes it looks like I'm being a dirty old man."

I couldn't help but laugh.

Fire

The first day back at work after my holiday and the train home makes an impromptu stop at Chislehurst. There was a fire at Paddock Wood so the line was closed. The guard told us that there would be an alternative train or bus service to get us home.

So we all pile off the train and wait for some info.......5 minutes......10 minutes......nothing. Let's go and ask the ticket office.

The chap at the ticket counter didn't know anything about the fire.
Some of us 'phone SE Trains hotline, they didn't know anything about the fire.
There were NO alternative arrangements.

After several 'phone calls the ticket office chap announces that another train will be making an unscheduled stop to pick us up and go on to Tonbridge then we can make our way from there. Five minutes later the train stops and we pile on.

It turns out the fire is now under control but the down platform at Paddock Wood is still closed so those who need to get to Paddock Wood can go to the next station, Marden, and get a train back up the line to Paddock Wood as the up platforms are still open.

As we went through Paddock Wood the devastation is immense. There is a thick, black smoke high into the air and we can still feel the heat of the dying embers from 100 yards away. The warehouse has all but gone, just the twisted metal outer casing remains and the top of that has melted inwards.

I was feeling aggrieved about getting home late but seeing the fire site made me feel guilty for being so selfish.

I hope everyone got out in time.

Travelling

We packed up the car and set off at 7:40 on Saturday morning. We expected the journey to be unpleasant, it's a long way to drive with three small children. They were tired and restless by the time we were nearing the end of the A303.

Then we got stuck in a long jam. It took about an hour to get through it, we limped along and made a brief stop at Newcott Chef for coffee and toilet breaks. The holdup was caused by a broken down coach, it was blocking the other other lane. At this point on the road it's a single carriage each way rolling through pretty hills and woodland. Very scenic but nowhere to drag the coach offroad.

We stopped at my wife's aunt and uncle's cottage in Otterton for tea before pushing onto the holiday camp, Perran Sands.

Click here for more on Otterton.

My wife's uncle is a lecturer at a nearby agricultural college, practical dairy farming and the like. He's fairly new to teaching but enjoying it, not least because the hours are easier than actual farming. At the moment they're renting a cottage but hope to move into one of the houses on the college grounds soon.

The weather was a little rainy but still warm and the forecast promised it would be quite dry for the rest of the week. We got to the camp site after roughly 7.5 hours on the road. Tired but glad to be there and looking forward to the holiday on the beach.

Holiday

We're off for a week in Cornwall on Saturday. A holiday park in Perranporth with access to the beach.



I haven't been here since I was about 9 when we went on a camping holiday around Devon and Cornwall. The two things I remember most about that holiday was having wet sand thrown in my eyes by some other kid and having a tooth out at a local dentist. He left part of the root in so I had to go back and get it done properly when we got home. I think it was this holiday that put my Mum off camping for good.

So, we'll set off on Saturday morning, stop off at my wife's aunt's farm in Devon on the way and then push on to the park. It's our eldest daughter's 4th birthday on Monday so the car will be full of her presents.

It's been blisteringly hot all week but I bet it cools down for the holiday next week. Oh well, at least the park has an indoor pool, live entertainment and lots for the kids to do.

Frisky in October

This is a very busy time of year for birthdays in my family. My wife, daughter, brother and grandmother were all born in late June. My dad and niece were born in early July.

Count back nine months to late October and early November, just as Winter's drawing in and people snuggle together for warmth. Coincidence?

Moments

Ever had a moment or two when you feel as if your conscious awareness of the world around you is somehow clearer than usual?

On the train this morning I finished reading The Map That Changed the World. It's a biography of William Smith, often referred to as 'The father of English geology'. He spent most of his life discovering and researching the underbelly of the English countryside to put together the first map of geological strata. All this at a time when geology didn't exist as a science and his findings contradicted the theological beliefs of how old the Earth is and how it was formed.

In his dotage Smith was part of the team that selected the first source of the stone used to build the Houses of Parliament. I had this in mind just as the train approached Charing Cross.

Looking across the Thames I saw the London Eye in the foreground, the Houses of Parliament in the middle distance and a red double-decker bus crossing Westminster Bridge. A postcard view of London I've seen a thousand times but now I know little more about it I somehow felt a little more comfortable with the city. Weird how something so small had such an impression on me.

Thank you Dr. Smith.

Parenthood - health warning

I often muddle through my days on auto-pilot. Get up, shower, dress, toast for the kids, go to work, write a report/fix a problem, go home, kids to bed, eat, blog, sleep.

I'm depressing myself now. My days aren't that bad, they just feel like that when I'm busy, stressed out and tired.

I feel like I'm in a tunnel with a small light at the end. The light symbolises the children getting old enough to not be so demanding, it's getting brighter but is still a way off yet.

I'm not wishing their childhood away, they're too much fun for me to want that. I just don't want to wake up to dirty nappies, have dinner shredded on the floor or have to take two buggies out everytime we leave the house together.

The good times with the little ones: reading stories, playing in the park, trying new foods, parties, family get togethers, quiet chats at the end of the day, these are all great and I love the children more than I can express.

But they're not always little angels: fighting each other, learning to lie, refusing to go to bed or take a bath, being rude and stroppy.

By the time the kids are sorted and the more pressing household chores are done, it's time for sleep. My wife and I seem to have so little time for each other that sometimes I feel isolated and lonely. I'm not talking about sex here but the little things like watching TV snuggled together on the sofa or a kind word when you look stressed out. It's not her fault, or mine, just the usual pressures of life that all parents have.

When the kids are a little older things'll be just that bit easier for us. The children will bring fresh trials for us, I'm sure, but at least we won't be wiping their arses and picking their food off the floor. Not until they discover alcohol anyway.

Pastures new

My wife started her new job yesterday. As with most new jobs she's done nothing so far apart from being introduced to her new colleagues and lots of reading material to get acquainted with the new environment.

It's good that she's settling in gently as she has been quite ill with for a few days now. Banging headaches, very sore throat and ulcers at the back of her mouth. Once this clears up I know she'll enjoy the new post. It's in Tonbridge, a larger town than she worked in for the last job, so there is more to do at lunchtime.

Tonbridge has a ruined castle and walls. The River Medway runs through it, under the High Street in a couple of places and there's a nice big park so plenty. Shops are OK.


More pictures.

I used to know Tonbridge quite well as I did my catering studies there. Learned to cook and still enjoy it but the long hours and crap wages soon made me shift into IT. It's a shame since I enjoy the kitchen and restaurant camaraderie but not the slavery that passes for a job. I used to work from 6am 'til midnight for a pittance. No life for a family man.

Early to bed...

Our tactics for getting our youngest girl to sleep have paid off. She now goes to sleep with no bother. She gets up before 6am though so we've another battle to fight there. Not sure what to do just yet.

Happy Birthday

I didn't make this. It is the funniest thing I've seen for a while, it made me snort with laughter in the office.

Huey Lewis and the Jews

Had a great time in Legoland at Windsor yesterday. It took 2 and half hours to get there but there were no big queues for anything and the weather was hot and sunny.

We went with my wife's best friend and a friend of my daughter's from nursery with her dad. His wife is the main earner so he stays at home to look after their daughter. I'm half envious of him and half glad I don't have to do it.

He came in the car that I was driving and we got on really. He plays guitar in a band that does the pubs around the south-east. Our musical tastes aren't that different and he's into football which always makes it easier for men to talk.

The kids had a great but tiring day out. I think their favourite part was the water park section. We'd been once before so came prepared with swimming cossies and towels.

We managed to save a packet on entry by using vouchers we bought from eBay, free child with a paying adult, and some Nectar vouchers too.

On the way out we had a quick look around the store for something to cheap for the kids to remember the day by. I found this little bracelet making kit for the girls, you'd think they could've come up with a better abbreviation.

Gaoler

So little one still isn't staying in bed first time and the reward charts aren't working for her yet. Maybe she's too young.

We found another way that works though. Sitting outside her bedroom door and putting her back as soon as she opens the door. No eye contact and no talking. On Monday it took 30 minutes and only 15 on Tuesday. I think (hope) we've cracked it.

It's a shame that her big sister woke up at 12:30am on Wednesday morning needing a pee. She woke her little sister up by accident who then didn't go back to sleep properly until 4ish. Great, we'd arranged to go to Legoland in Windsor that morning, with no sleep. Oh joy.

Scooby-snax

Our youngest girl just will not go to bed at a decent hour. Her twin brother goes up with no bother and her older sister will go up between 6:30 and 7:00 after a cup of milk and a story but, the little one?

No chance. I put her to bed and she's up and down for two hours or more. Most nights it's gone 9pm before she settles. It is draining the life out of us. Something has to be done.

We decided to try out a reward chart so, I printed up one for each of the kids with their pictures on them. They'll get a sticker for every time they do as we ask, concentraing on one behaviour at a time.

Big sister got a sticker for tidying up the toy room so the little one knows how it works. We put her to bed and promised her a sticker if she didn't get up until morning.

She did get up once but that was only because big sister got up during the night for a pee. We couldn't believe it, she got her sticker but wanted to wear it instead of putting it on the chart.

I'm not convinced the sticker worked and it wasn't just coincidence that she stayed in bed. We'll see tonight I guess.

Treat

On Saturday, before the party, we pooped into Maidstone to get a birthday present for the little girl.

We decided to go to Pizza Hut for lunch. We hadn't eaten out like this for a while and it has been a bit of a chore in the past as the kids are so young they mash the food up, paint themselves with it and generally make an awful mess.

This time my wife and I managed to sit next to each other rather than mingled in with the kids to keep the peace. The twins are 2-and-a-half now and can feed themselves without too much bother. It was really nice to enjoy a meal out together without constantly stopping to clean up.

Party

My nearly-four-year-old daughter went to the birthday party of a girl she goes to nursery with.

We called the girl's parents the night before to see if they wanted us to stay and if parking would be OK. They didn't need us to stay , yippee some time off, and "Parking won't be a problem," said her Dad, "I've got 20 acres around the back." 20 acres? Crikey.

So we dropped her off on Saturday afternoon and she had a great time. There was a giant bouncy castle out back, clothes for them to dress up in and lots of goodies to eat and drink.

My wife went to pick her up at the arranged time of 5:30 whilst I bathed the twins. She didn't want to leave and they ended up staying for another hour.

When she got home she was really tired but excited and had obviously had a great time. "What did you do at the party?" I asked.

"Nothing, Daddy."

Wonderful, she's a teenager already.

Skirt

Can anyone tell me why women wear skirts above the knee and then spend most of the time trying to pull the hem down below the knee? Is it a sub-concious thing?

I usually don't notice their legs until they bring attention to them in this way. Is that the reason, to get me to look?

Perhaps it's the opposite, they think i'm perving over their thighs and want to cover up.

Or maybe they're just cold. Who knows?

Shattered

Popped into hospital to see my Dad last night. He was tidying up his tools in the garden the other day when he tripped and fell backwards, smashing his right elbow on the blade of the spade he was carrying. He's chipped some bone off his elbow and had to have surgery to rebuild the joint.

He's got it in plaster and traction at the moment and will need some physiotherapy as the weeks progress. He's got a couple of wires holding it all together so he's kind of a bionic man now. Thank heavens for the NHS.

Mum's barred him from the garden, she'd already barred him from DIY after he drilled through a water pipe.

Hopefully, they'll let him out of hospital today and he can get back to his own spot on the sofa.

Timewarp

Sheesh! I feel run ragged. I still haven't quite finished my essay and I'm royally fed up of Porter's Value Chain. On top of that I've done two in-house courses at work. Also, keeping up with my techy bits and bobs, reading manuals and such.

Still at least we've appointed a childminder for when my wife start's her new, full time job. Her old one at the estate agents does have its moments though. They're selling a house for Anne Widdecombe, MP and sometime TV personality. My politics might be on the other side of the divide to hers but she does act on her constituents' wishes and once she's got hold of an issue she doesn't let go. Nice to see an MP with conviction rather than convictions.

Update

A quick update for the few hardy souls who check my blog with any degree of regularity.

I haven't been hit by a bus, i'm just very busy.

I've got a 2500 word assignment to finish for my business studies course, been on a two-day project management course, mum's birthday, redecorating the bathroom, european cup final, kids, etc.

Will post more fully at the weekend.

What's that smell?

Over lunch the other day we were discussing whether or not to go back for a pudding. One of the dishes was banoffee pie.

I said, "I like toffee but not the smell of it. Cold foods with toffee in are OK but hot foods smell too much."

"What's wrong with the smell?" asked Matt.

"It reminds me of vomit, especially when it's on someone's breath. Like when you're in a car with someone who's eating toffee, it's really strong then. Those hot chocolate drinks with toffee in smell so bad they make me gag," I replied

Matt laughing, "Parmesan smells of sick but I don't think toffees do."

"Yeah, they do when warm. Oh and it's not just Parmesan, most dairy foods smell of puke to some degree. Fromage frais, sweaty Cheddar. Some of those leaky French cheeses reek of used nappies," I commented.

"Oh yeah, some of them are really bad," he agreed.

"Those live bio-yoghurt drinks that are supposed to help compliment your digestive system smell too. Not surprising when you think of what they are for, they're effectively simulated sick. No wonder it's called YAK-ult."

We had the chocolate orange mousse in the end.

Why there's a God

My daughter is going through that 'Why?' phase. Anyone who's spent any time with a three or four year old will know it well.

"Why is it raining, Dad?"

"So the trees can have a drink."

"Why do the trees need a drink?"

"So they can grow."

"Why do they need to grow?"

Think it's cute? Try it out on your friends for several hours a day...

... every day...

... week after week...

... wear a kevlar vest.

Sometimes she tries a variation.

"Dad, you know when a bird is in an egg and gets out and then flies away?"

"Yes."

"Why does that happen?"

But, let's get back to the trees.

"Why do trees need to grow?"

"So they can be a house for the birds."

"Why are there birds?"

At this point I usually answer, "Because that's the way it is."

Some parents opt for the rather more imperial, "Because I said so."

Neither of these really satisfy the curiosity of a three year old though. This is were some genius several millenia ago came up with the classic answer that invented religion:

"Because God made it that way."

Race for life

My wife and her friend did a local 'Race for Life' 5k on Sunday. There are a ton of these events up and down the country to raise money for cancer research. They are women-only events specifically aimed at breast cancer funding.

They took our 3yr-old daughter with them and she was very pleased to be in a race wearing a number like Daddy does. My wife had to carry her up some of the hills but, she was beaming when she finished and proudly showed off her medal at nursery yesterday.

My parents came down for the day to cheer them on and my wife's friend's husband also popped over. The weather was nice and sunny too so all in all it was a good day.

As expected at these charity runs, you do see some strange entrants. There was a women running in a bra, feather boa and the tightest, smallest hot pants I've seen outside of the Aussie gay mardi-gras. As no men were supposed to be running there was one guy in drag, mini-skirt, stocking, stilletoes and a wig. He must have walked the whole course on tip-toe to stop sinking the heels into the grass.

Cast away

Our little boy had his cast removed today. His wrist seems fine now but, we've got a check up in three weeks to make sure.

I dropped my 3yr-old daughter off at nursery before driving up to get my mother-in-law then we went to the hospital.

My wife got a lift to work from the bosses daughter. Today's the day she handed in her notice. Her manager knows that 'Angela' is a least partly to blame.

In the evening my father-in-law, a carpenter/handyman/godsend, went with my wife to price up a kitchen fitting for a friend of her's. He'd been help out his brother-in-law, Reggie, all day laying a laminate floor. Reggie is a disaster area but, I'll write some posts about him another time.

Tell me the problem, not your solution

My job revolves around giving customers what they need, NOT what they ask for. Most of them are f**kwits that can barely think without setting off the smoke alarms. How the hell they get employed is beyond me.

Typically, I'll get a request to procure/test/install a new piece of software. Upwards of 90% of the time this kit is not needed. It's something they've seen on the TV, in a magazine or a friend's recommendation and they've invented a reason to get it. Often this thing has been written by a tiny software house, support is non-existent and there's no comeback when it won't interface with the rest of the organisation's portfolio.

So now I have to waste my time trying to convince them that they're pet piece of crap IS a piece of crap. They get defensive and put up barriers to common-sense: "My brother uses this all the time and he's never had any problems."

"Yeah? Well, your brother's IT experience was picked up during a summer job in PC World. I've been doing this for over a decade. My experience is based on years of multi-site, multi-office linkages spread over numerous separate domains encompassing the problems of security, load balancing and redundancy. I've installed and supported literally hundreds of different pieces of software and thousands of PCs and servers.

Your brother setup a home network of three PCs using wifi and was hacked within 30 minutes."

Of course, I can't offload on the customer like this. I have to let them learn for themselves.

"Hi, look I've found this great package that will save me a LOT of time. I must have it before the end of the week. It can fly backwards and whistle Dixie whilst earning a fortune on the stock market. I've ordered it and it only cost £5000, what a bargain." Blah, blah, f**ing blah.

"Ok. So what is it you want to achieve with this thing?" Yawn.

"I need to ensure all my Word documents have the company logo at the top of every page." I'm too important to turn up for my training.

"Oh well you can already do that with Word. Let me show you how, it'll take 30 seconds. How much did you say that software was?" As Frank Grimes said to Homer Simpson: If this were any other country, you'd have starved to death long ago.

Take this job and...

My wife currently works three days a week in a small office in the next village. As with most jobs, the work is fine but there are always some people who are a pain in the arse.

There are three full-timers and herself. The manager is due for retirement and one of the full-timers is trying to position herself to take over. This woman, let's call her 'Angela', causes all the grief. She doesn't appear to be very bright and can't see her mistakes.

Example 1: Angela takes a day off and goes for an interview with a competitor only 30 yards from the place she works now. When she gets found out she claims it was a 'market research' exercise.

Example 2: On another leave day Angela goes back into the same competitor, asks for the manager and tells him "I'm your competition. We need to talk." What the hell are you doing woman? You're not a manager, you haven't been tasked to do this and you've gained nothing at all except the derison of your colleagues and superiors. Plus, you've pissed off the competition that may have given you a job when you get sacked.

Example 3: Yet another leave day, she can't have much of a life. Angela arrives at head office unannounced and invites herself to the weekly office staff meeting. People are seriously begining to question her sanity now.

Example 4: A potential client shows up and wants some details. All fairly normal stuff. Now what do you think a good sales negotiator should do? Offer some coffee and biscuits? Go through some figures? Not our Angela, she decides that because the woman is wearing a business suit that she must be a spy from a competitor and throws her out.

Example 5: She makes a cock-up on a sale for one her clients. They come into the office to confront her about it. Does she apologise and offer to remedy it? Why bother with the truth when you can point, yes I did say point, at a colleague not ten feet away and loudly blame them.

So my wife applied for another job, had an interview last Friday and got a job offer last night. It'll mean a five-day week and more money but all the money will be eaten by child care costs. It'll get easier once the kids start school though.

She's going to accept the offer and can't wait to cite that bitch Angela's behaviour as the main reason for her decision to quit.

Ouch

Our 2 year old boy, has broken his right wrist. He has a 'back-slab' cast on his arm to restrict movement.

We think he did it on Tuesday when he fell off the ladder to Freya's new bed. He didn't complain much then but was holding his arm very still on Wednesday. We thought it was a sprain until Friday when it hadn't got any better.

So we took him to hospital and sure enough, it's a Salter-Harris type 1 fracture of the wrist. Brave little soldier.

Stop pushing

This door is in the sub-basement at work.
DO NOT PULL. Do not pull what? The handles are on the other side and the door only opens one way.

Labour back for a third term

Tony Blair and the Labour party are back for a third term despite heavy losses and a low majority.

It seems that two main issues drew votes away from Labour, the Iraq war and immigration policies.

Iraq is going to be a bone of contention for many years to come but those who voted against Blair based on just this issue need thier heads examining. This is especially true if they voted Conservative because the Tories would have gone to war as well.

It does appear that the Government were not entirely truthful about Iraq but, when have politicians ever given the entire truth? I'm not sure it is really fair to expect it because many, many people's views are swayed easily by their gut reactions to single issues or small clusters of similar issues. This effect is exacerbated by the media, seeking to create the next moral panic, whipping up concern and selling shedloads of diatribe loaded nonense, filled with personal commentary and only the facts pertinent to a one-sided arguement.

The whole truth about the NHS would expose lots of individudal cases of mis-diagnosis and treatment that the Daily Mail would pounce whilst ignoring the overiding splendid contribution to many peoples lives that the organisation has made.

There are too many other issues battling for attention to cast your vote based on a single issue. Yet this is what the Tory campaign has chiefly focussed on, Iraq and immigration.

Manifestoes and policies come and go but the parties remain. I suppose, when it comes down to it, a sensible voter must look at the ethos behind each of the parties and make their choice accordingly.

Are you comfortably well off, good job, nice house. Do you care mainly about yourself? Vote Tory.

Are you comfortably well off, good job, nice house. Do you want to balance your needs against those of the less fortunate? Vote Lib-Dem.

Do you want to work towards a society where everyone has a right to a good standard of living regardless of their background and status? Vote Labour.

Su-man-nah

I was watching the election coverage on the BBC last night. During the wait for the result to start coming the presenters were trying to fill time with the usual waffle. A bit like sports commentators during a boring game.

Kaplinsky was wandering around giving us a 'behind-the-scenes' look at what the BBC team do on election night. She was walking among the techies blathering on about how busy they would be. She stopped next to one eager looking young chap who was obviously about to be called on to say a few words, his big moment on national TV.

"Here's Susannah, part of our techincal team, who'll be working hard all night to bring you the results as they happen. There'll be plenty of coffee drunk here tonight."

Susannah? That's a woman? Oh dear.

It was the short hair, manly glasses and very baggy t-shirt that fooled me. Luckily I'm not in the dating game anymore or I could be making some BIG mistakes.

Song for a Fifth Child

We've got a paraphrased version of the last verse of this poem in our porch. It might be a bit cheesy to some but, it rings true enough for us.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, lullaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting, and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew...
And out in the yard there's a hullaballoo.
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait til tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

Wear them out

It was a May Day bank holiday today, the weather forecast was good so we planned to take a trip out to the coast. I was going to run the Whitstable 10k but, forgot to post my application in time. There was a choice to make: spend the day at Whitstable cheering on the runners or head to a quieter town and just laze about.

So we opted for the quiet spot and arranged to meet two of our friends at Hythe. On the way we stopped for petrol and a few nibbles. My wife bought a spicy 'pepparami hot' snack salami, one each for me and her. Our 3yr-old wanted to try it.

"I think it'll be too spicy for you." I said

She tried a bit and her face turned inside out, "I don't like it Daddy. It's got spikes in it."

We arrived about midday and met up with the others before heading to the pebbly beach. The sun was out in full force and we all got slightly burnt but I'm not going to complain about a bit of sunshine.

Fish and chips on the beach, skimming pebbles in the surf and generally having a relaxing day.


It was sunnier than it looks in this photo but thats just my camera phone.





Around 4ish we headed off to the light railway station and took a return up to Dymchurch, about 5 miles. Our youngest daughter had nodded off and missed the outward journey but she was back with us for the return.

There was a small funfair at Dymchurch. Our 3yr-old had a go on the log flume with our friend Miss A and another ride on her own. She also went on a tea cup ride with her little brother and our friend Mr A. Her little sister refused to go on any of the rides.

We stopped at a cafe for ice cream and coffee on the way back to the train.



After we'd said goodbye to our friends we made our way home. It was all going so well but our little gir's nappy leaked and we had to stop to clean crap off the car seat. Why is shit such a big factor in my life? What did I ever do?

Beauty and the Beast - Wedding pt 3

Back to the bar and garden whilst the tables were cleared for the dancing.

Party. This was the bit the kids had been looking forward to most of all. I was the only adult up there dancing with the kids, doing the 'okey-kokey' and other similar things. I have no shame when it comes to playing with the kids. I can be dignified when they're grown up, babies don't last forever.

Then our 3yr-old daughter attached herself to a 7yr-old boy, my wife worked for his Dad a few years ago. Our girl would not leave him alone she dragged him all round the garden, the bar and the dance floor. I got some great photos and little video snippets of them dancing.

Our twins were having great fun too. The boy started to wind down about 9ish and we put him in his buggy to sleep. I took our eldest daughter to get changed into her other dress and she carried on until about 10:15 when she asked me to dance with her "Like Belle and the Beast do, Daddy" as soon as I picked her up she put her head on my shoulder and I knew she was ready to go to sleep. Our youngest girl, had nodded off on the Bride's sister's lap.

I took the our eldest girl up to the hotel room and my wife got some help to bring the twins and buggies etc. back up to the room before going down to say her goodbyes.

It was a truly lovely day and we all enjoyed it. What a shame the kids wouldn't stay asleep. Groan.

My wife and I were dog-tired by the morning. We got everyone downstairs for breakfast, said our goodbyes and then got on the road by 10:30am. The kids all went to sleep by 5:30pm and I was tucked up at 8pm. Tired but happy.

Don't count your chickens - Wedding pt 2

All out into the garden for photos. Lots of too-ing and fro-ing getting everyone in line.

It was a good chance to say hello to lots of people we hadn't seen in a while. My wife used to work with a lot of the Groom's guests and I used to be friends with the Bride's ex-husband so, I know her family already. Her Mum and Dad moved to Ireland a few years back so I hadn't seen them for some time.

Had to keep an eye on the kids though, they were all off running about with the other children. I had to stick to shandies otherwise it would have been lights out far too early plus, I had to drive home in the morning.

The photographer had earned his money so, it was back inside for the dinner. We sat on the second table with the bride's friends Chick and Lynn who were looking after the happy couple's baby son.

During the meal our eldest daughter noticed some little boxes of mint imperials that the adults had. To no one in particular she said:

"What are these?"

"Oh, they're Chick's sweetheart." said Lynn.

She took one out and turned it over in her hand, they looked like tiny eggs so she said: "No. There is no chicks in there."

Lynn thought that was hilarious.

I missed most of the speeches as I was out in the garden looking after the little ones but, apparently the groom's speech included some jokes about my wife and he gave her a big bunch of flowers. She used to work with him and it was through her that he met his wife so the wedding was kind of her fault.

Be quiet and sit still - Wedding pt 1

We had a great time at the wedding.

An early start for a weekend. All the kids up, fed and in the car for 8am then a four hour drive to Dorset.

The hotel staff had assured us the room would be ready for Midday so we could decamp and get dressed ready to take our seats in the wedding hall at 2:45pm. So of course the room was not ready. No big problem though, they soon had it done.



We had adjoining rooms so, the kids could sleep separately to my wife and I without being inaccessible. The hotel is a lovely old building, it has this weird cental 'staircase' that runs parallel to the main one. Each step is only about 6 inches wide and they were used to hold the candles for guests to find their way to the rooms in pre-electric times.

The wedding and reception was not held in the main hotel but in a side hall, this meant we could get some sleep before the party finished.

We got dressed for the event and made our way downstairs to the hall. I went and sat down with the twins whilst my wife stayed outside with our daughter waiting for the Bride and Groom to arrive and pose for some photos with the horse and carriage they arrived in.

Our daughter looked beautiful as a bridesmaid. She was given a basket of rose petals to litter on the floor as the procession made its way through the hall but, she wouldn't do it because she "didn't want to make a mess". The other small bridesmaid was the bride's daughter. The bride's sister, was the last bridesmaid. The ceremony went really well. The bride got a little tearful when making her vows but, that all adds to the atmosphere of a wedding doesn't it?

We were sat in the front row on the Bride's side trying to keep the twins quiet. Fat chance, they wanted to have a wander around so, rather than keep hold of them and have them crying we had to let them go. When the happy couple watch the wedding video they'll see a pair of two year old children behind her. A little girl clutching her dolly and a little boy sitting on the carpet playing with his car. At least he wasn't making 'Brmmm, brmmm' noises.

Pack up your troubles

Some frantic last minute packing on Friday night left tempers a little frayed but we were both fine in the morning.
The amount of stuff we need to take with us for just one night away is astounding:

2 buggies for the twins
9 changes of casual clothes - 3 each for the kids
6 changes of smart clothes - 2 each for the kids
1 suit for me
1 dress for my wife
2 changes of casual clothes for my wife and me
Lots of shoes
Assorted toiletries
Lots of nappies and baby wipes
Wedding gift
small collection of toys to keep the twins quite during the ceremony
Snacks and drinks for the car journeys
Medicines for the kids and us, just in case

...and so on and on

This isn't a wedding, it's an expedition.

Long weekend

It's a Bank holiday on Monday and I've got Tuesday off so, a nice break from work is on the cards.

We're all going to Dorset on Saturday for a friend's wedding. My 3yr-old daughter is going to be one of the bridesmaids and is looking forward to wearing her 'princess dress'.

An early start tomorrow, on the road at 8ish, arrive at midday, get ready for the ceremony at 3, then reception to follow before trying to get the kids to sleep in a hotel. Phew.

We'll need an early night on Sunday.

I was going to run the Whitstable 10k on Monday but found the entry form in my drawer on Tuesday. I'd forgotten to post it and it's too late now. They don't take entries on the day there so I might just have to go and cheer the others on. It should be a nice day by the sea if the weather holds.

Stressqueen: Saints..Sinners....

Stressqueen: Saints..Sinners....
Club loyalty seems to be unimportant to a growing number of 'fans'.
Whenever I meet a new acquaintance and tell them I'm an Everton fan the conversation usually goes something like this:

"Why Everton?"

I have a South London accent so it's a fair question, why do I support a Merseyside club?
"I was born in Merseyside, we moved South when I was six so that Dad could keep working."

Then the question that drives me mad.
"Why not Liverpool then or maybe a local one like Arsenal?"

This implies that the more successful club is more deserving of my fealty. Not so.
"Coz my Dad is Blue, my Grandads were Blue, my uncles are Blue, my cousins are .... well you get the picture."

Links and funnies

Gus has gone back to Oz. I used to send him and a select few others my favorite links etc from newsletters and stuff I find when browsing.

I've decided to start another blog and add them in there so, Gus, watch this space. They'll start appearing soon.

My wife is beautiful

I was looking at the kids last night. As they are getting older it's easier to see different people in their faces, especially my wife.

Obviously I think she is pretty but now that we have kids, and they mean so much to me, she seems more beautiful than ever.

She still drives me absolutely mad though. For instance, the other week I spent over five hours ironing and washing to clear the backlog. She whinged about some of the ironing I'd done, don't know why because she's never found fault before. In a strop she told me not to do any more.

Later that day she put the ironing board cover on the 'hand-wash' cycle in the washer. She forgot to check the washer cycle the next day and put another load on. Then she accuses me of leaving the washer on the hand-cycle so she has to do the washing again and tells me not to do the washing anymore. What???

A few weeks have passed and whatever demon was in her ear has gone but, she's still doing all the washing and ironing simply because she can't bring herselfr to apologize. Women are nuts.

Easy like Sunday morning

Like I said in the last post, it took me four hours to put our daughter's new bed together. She loves it, it is about four feet high and has a space under it, hidden away with canvas sides, filled with cushions and soft toys.

My wife took the twins up to get her Mum, who looks after the kids on Mondays and Tuesdays, whilst I finished the bed. Then I tidied up, hoovered, made the new bed, changed the spare bed's bedclothes for M-i-L, mowed the lawn, cleaned the kitchen and painted some of the hallway walls. Phew.

Our 3yr-old daughter came home with my parents and youngest sister about ten minutes before my wife got home with the twins and M-i-L. Suddenly the house was very full and noisy. It's great to be part of a family with kids everywhere but, it's bloody tiring too.

Dresses for the wedding

Wow, I am worn out. I've come to work for a rest.

Our 3yr-old daughter stayed with my parents from Friday night to Sunday evening. On Saturday I emptied the car out and went ot pick up her new bed. It was self-assembly and took me about four hours to put together on Sunday morning.

When I got back we bundled the kids in the car and headed off to Tunbridge Wells for a bit of shopping. We needed some dresses for the girls as we are going to a friends wedding next weekend. the 3yr-old is going to be a bridesmaid but, needed something to change into for the evening. We thought it best to get her younger sister something as well because she will get messy during the day and need changing.

So we now have two long, cream dresses with short black cardigans. They'll be just right for the recpetion when I get to do some 'Dad-dancing'. You know the kind? Your Dad's had one to many shandies and tries to dance like he was still seventeen. Except it's me who's going to be doing it this time. Sigh, youth doesn't last long.