Our children have no idea that they have just lost one of their great-Grandmothers, they never met her for reasons described in my previous posts.
I took my wife back up to the hospital after the twins had gone to bed, my Mum has been stying with us for a few days to help my wife. This is great because it means we can visit the hospital without having to take the kids. Can you imagine it? Explaining to 3 and 4 year olds that this lady is your great-Grandma, she never wanted to see you but she's dying now so....
Anyway, we took some de-odorant and spare clothes up for my in-laws. They'd be awake most of the night because there was a very confused elderly man in the next room that kept trying to come into their room. The door would open and he pops in shouting:
"Where's my milk? You've stolen my milk. Get out of my room."
Wouldn't help you sleep would it?
When my wife's uncles, D and T, arrived with D's wife. We managed to persuade my in-laws to come home with us for a proper rest and the pop back in the morning. T was going to stay with his mother throughout the night so she wouldn't be alone if she died.
On the way home my mother-in-law fell asleep in the back of the car. She must have been having a nightmare about the mad old guy in the hospital because just as I was driving over a hump-backed bridge she shouted out:
"Get out! Get out! You can't come in here, I haven't got your milk."
We got her out of the car at the other end and made her comfortable on the sofa.
Just before 3am we got the call to say that Grandma had died around 2:30am. She stopped breathing. Her son, T, got one of the nurses and she confirmed that his mother had passed away. Then T started making the phone calls....
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Neverending
Just as I was leaving the ofice last night I got a text from my wife saying that her Grandma had taken a turn for the worse. The doctors were estimating that she had 24 to 48 hours left.
My wife wanted to visit her and take her parents too.
The relationships on this side of the family are a little strained. My wife's Grandmother has four sons and a daughter. The eldest is my father-in-law and the youngest is the daughter, she is only 8 years older than my wife.
We see these two quite regularly but have little contact with the others. This is mainly because of the animosity that the dying women has shown to her daughter over the years. She was uncommonly distant from her daughter, J, and has been quite cruel at times, refusing to speak to her or see her grandson. There doesn't appear to be any reason for this and I guess we'll never know why.
About 9 years ago my wife's Grandfather died. Shortly after this her Grandmother wrote a letter to my wife telling her that she didn't want to see her anymore and wouldn't come to our wedding. The letter was very hurtful but some of the things in it showed that the Grandmother was confusing my wife with her daughter. Her mind had started to go and she moved in with her son D and his wife C.
As her health deteriorated rapidly over the last year, the family has been pulling back together slowly. The only problems seem to be those between the Grandmother and her daughter, J. J now lives in Dorset and is too far away to visit at the moment. Also, as she has been out of the loop for a while she thnks that everyone is at each other's throats but it just isn't like that. The semi-estranged brothers are all around the bed (apart from one, J, who has alcohol problems) and chatting sociably.
I drove my wife and her parents to the hospital as I thought it best that my father-in-law didn't drive. I'm relatively detached from the situation emotionally but he might not have been in a fit state to drive.
As it turned out my in-laws decided to sleep in charis by the bedside so that the old lady was not alone. It is palliative care only now, morphine to keep the pain away. She isn't concious and her time is near.
My wife and I got home in the early hours and tonight is going to be the same, if the old lady lives through the day..
My wife wanted to visit her and take her parents too.
The relationships on this side of the family are a little strained. My wife's Grandmother has four sons and a daughter. The eldest is my father-in-law and the youngest is the daughter, she is only 8 years older than my wife.
We see these two quite regularly but have little contact with the others. This is mainly because of the animosity that the dying women has shown to her daughter over the years. She was uncommonly distant from her daughter, J, and has been quite cruel at times, refusing to speak to her or see her grandson. There doesn't appear to be any reason for this and I guess we'll never know why.
About 9 years ago my wife's Grandfather died. Shortly after this her Grandmother wrote a letter to my wife telling her that she didn't want to see her anymore and wouldn't come to our wedding. The letter was very hurtful but some of the things in it showed that the Grandmother was confusing my wife with her daughter. Her mind had started to go and she moved in with her son D and his wife C.
As her health deteriorated rapidly over the last year, the family has been pulling back together slowly. The only problems seem to be those between the Grandmother and her daughter, J. J now lives in Dorset and is too far away to visit at the moment. Also, as she has been out of the loop for a while she thnks that everyone is at each other's throats but it just isn't like that. The semi-estranged brothers are all around the bed (apart from one, J, who has alcohol problems) and chatting sociably.
I drove my wife and her parents to the hospital as I thought it best that my father-in-law didn't drive. I'm relatively detached from the situation emotionally but he might not have been in a fit state to drive.
As it turned out my in-laws decided to sleep in charis by the bedside so that the old lady was not alone. It is palliative care only now, morphine to keep the pain away. She isn't concious and her time is near.
My wife and I got home in the early hours and tonight is going to be the same, if the old lady lives through the day..
Monday, January 23, 2006
Get your coat
We managed to get out for a meal with friends on Friday. It was the Christmas meal for a village commitee that my wife helps out but it was good to mingle.
I had met about half of the people there before but there were also a lot of faces new to me. One of them is a part-time barman at a local pub, he was out to enjoy his night and had a few drinks.
Anyway, he's gay and in his half-cut state had decided to confide in the two young women sitting next to him that he fancied me.
So, did they decide to spare his future, sober blushes and keep schtum or spend the whole night telling my wife what he wanted to do with me? Poor lad.
I had met about half of the people there before but there were also a lot of faces new to me. One of them is a part-time barman at a local pub, he was out to enjoy his night and had a few drinks.
Anyway, he's gay and in his half-cut state had decided to confide in the two young women sitting next to him that he fancied me.
So, did they decide to spare his future, sober blushes and keep schtum or spend the whole night telling my wife what he wanted to do with me? Poor lad.
Rally round
Things are settling a little. My wife's mood has lifted a bit but, she is still having lots of little panic attacks. The medication is starting to work, I think.
My mum stayed with us from Monday to Thursday last week and my wife's best friend stayed on Friday. Everyone has been so good. We just wouldn't cope without help.
My mum stayed with us from Monday to Thursday last week and my wife's best friend stayed on Friday. Everyone has been so good. We just wouldn't cope without help.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Action man
As part of my son's birthday presents I wanted to get him an action man. It turns out that they don't make the bigger Action Men any more and just the poncy little ATOM figures.
Pah. What use are they? You might as well just use the free McDonald's toys.
My in-laws found some second-hand ones with a jeep and got him that. So, now he has a big jeep toy with eight Action Man figures. They all have different costumes, jungle, soldier, motorbike rider and so on.
When the jeep is loaded with the figures it looks like the Village People on the way to a beach party.
Pah. What use are they? You might as well just use the free McDonald's toys.
My in-laws found some second-hand ones with a jeep and got him that. So, now he has a big jeep toy with eight Action Man figures. They all have different costumes, jungle, soldier, motorbike rider and so on.
When the jeep is loaded with the figures it looks like the Village People on the way to a beach party.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Phew
Wow, just finished the twins 3rd birthday party. My in-laws arrived first at about 9:30 to help get ready. Lots of cakes, mini-pizzas and other finger food laid out.
My brothers and sisters arrived with their children around 11am and we had a great time opening lots of presents. Everyone seems to have bought a present for our 4 year old daughter too so that she wouldn;t feel left out. It's like Christmas all over again.
About 2pm the other children arrived. These were just a few friends of our daughter from school as the twins don't really know anyone yet. The kids left around 4pm and the last of the family disappeared around 8ish.
It's been a long day but my wife seemed happier than she has for a while.
It's the twin's real birthday tomorrow and my Mum's coming down then. She's going to stay a few days to help out.
Thank God for friends and family, this depression would ruin our family unit without their help.
My brothers and sisters arrived with their children around 11am and we had a great time opening lots of presents. Everyone seems to have bought a present for our 4 year old daughter too so that she wouldn;t feel left out. It's like Christmas all over again.
About 2pm the other children arrived. These were just a few friends of our daughter from school as the twins don't really know anyone yet. The kids left around 4pm and the last of the family disappeared around 8ish.
It's been a long day but my wife seemed happier than she has for a while.
It's the twin's real birthday tomorrow and my Mum's coming down then. She's going to stay a few days to help out.
Thank God for friends and family, this depression would ruin our family unit without their help.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
...and breathe
I had a tutorial for my Business Studies course today. I didn't make it because I couldn't leave my wife alone. Things have settled down a little but she is still very anxious.
That said I still managed to leave the house for 30 minsutes in the afternoon to post a DVD rental back.
Although my wife was very tired and slept on the sofa until 12pm we spent most of the afternoon tidying up the house and getting ready tomorrow's party.
The twins are 3 on Monday but we're having the party tomorrow so that our eldest can be there.
Tired now but happier than I have been since Tuesday as my wife is a little brighter.
That said I still managed to leave the house for 30 minsutes in the afternoon to post a DVD rental back.
Although my wife was very tired and slept on the sofa until 12pm we spent most of the afternoon tidying up the house and getting ready tomorrow's party.
The twins are 3 on Monday but we're having the party tomorrow so that our eldest can be there.
Tired now but happier than I have been since Tuesday as my wife is a little brighter.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Adapting
We managed to get to the doctor again yesterday and she referred my wife to the psychiatrist, not sure how long that'll take though. The GP also prescribed some tranquilisers to help with the short term incres in anxiety levels.
The CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) called later that day to confirm that the medication was appropriate and that the anxiety is expected to subside after a fortnight or so. We just need to get through that time.
Today I dropped my wife and children at a friends house on my way to work and picked them up on the way home.
My wife is fine in the company of others but cannot bear to be alone at the moment so we will have to adjust in the short term. It must be hellish for her living through this but I feel compelled to record it here so I can remember how hard it has been.
The CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) called later that day to confirm that the medication was appropriate and that the anxiety is expected to subside after a fortnight or so. We just need to get through that time.
Today I dropped my wife and children at a friends house on my way to work and picked them up on the way home.
My wife is fine in the company of others but cannot bear to be alone at the moment so we will have to adjust in the short term. It must be hellish for her living through this but I feel compelled to record it here so I can remember how hard it has been.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Worse
This morning I couldn't leave the house for work. My wife was having a severe anxiety attack. She has had anxiety issues all the while I have known her, and before, but never so severe that she couldn't bear to be left alone at home. Her anti-depressants are doing this, one of the possible side effects is that anxiety sufferers might feel more anxious for the first two weeks or so whilst the medication builds up.
We'd arranged for a friend to help her get to and from the school with the kids but this meant that she would be alone for 30 minutes or so after I left for work. She couldn't bear this and just sat on the bathroom floor sobbing.
I had to call work and take the day off. Thankfully they've been very understanding and supportive. This is just as well really because the recovery will take a long time.
Our friend took our daughter to school whilst I stayed at home with my wife to help her calm down.
My wife feels as though she has let us all down by not being able to be left alone and this is feeding her depression. She is so down. I'm having to stay bright and cheery so that she doesn't feel that she's being a burden, I'll do my weeping in private.
About 10am my wife's best friend popped around and we spent the day doing bits and bobs. Some last minute shopping for the twins birthday party on Sunday etc.
My wife's OK most of the time when someone is with her but I have to go to work.
We'd arranged for a friend to help her get to and from the school with the kids but this meant that she would be alone for 30 minutes or so after I left for work. She couldn't bear this and just sat on the bathroom floor sobbing.
I had to call work and take the day off. Thankfully they've been very understanding and supportive. This is just as well really because the recovery will take a long time.
Our friend took our daughter to school whilst I stayed at home with my wife to help her calm down.
My wife feels as though she has let us all down by not being able to be left alone and this is feeding her depression. She is so down. I'm having to stay bright and cheery so that she doesn't feel that she's being a burden, I'll do my weeping in private.
About 10am my wife's best friend popped around and we spent the day doing bits and bobs. Some last minute shopping for the twins birthday party on Sunday etc.
My wife's OK most of the time when someone is with her but I have to go to work.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Catharsis
As I'm feeling sorry for myself today I've decided to draw some faces. I used to enjoy scribbling face drawings a while back, it's a bit of fun and kind of cathartic.
I did this one with two eyes to start with but then scrubbed out the second one as it gives it a meaner look. I still quite like the two-eyed one though because of the disparity between the eyes. Not sure which I like best. What about you?
I did this one with two eyes to start with but then scrubbed out the second one as it gives it a meaner look. I still quite like the two-eyed one though because of the disparity between the eyes. Not sure which I like best. What about you?
Sad
My wife was very upset yesterday following on from the scan she had. At first she sounded a lot brighter than she has for months, I put this down to finally having a conclusive diagnosis of gallstones. At least we know for certain what has been cauing her all this pain and stomach trouble.
When I got home last night she was more upset than ever, to start with anyway. Obviously the pain and discomfort are getting her down but I think the worst of it is the moring and afternoon school runs.
I get the kids breakfasted whilst she's getting showered but then I have to leave for work. This leaves her to get the three little ones dressed and out of the door, with them as young as they are this is quite some job. The kids fight and argue, turn on the tears at the drop of a hat and generally ignore any and all requests.
It's a similar story in the afternoons but with baths and teatime thrown in. By the time I get home she's had enough of a day spent playing referee to the kids whilst bearing the pain of the gallstones and the constant fear that she might have a stomach upset away from home. She has lost two stone this year (28 lbs).
On top of this we now find she has an cyst on her ovaries and we still have no idea when treatment might be forthcoming. Oh joy, it's no wonder that she feels down. It's spiralling too as the depression is making her apathetic to the condtion at times or feel overwhelmed by small things like going out for a loaf of bread. At the moment small problems are looking a lot worse to her than the actually are.
I can take some time off work but I also need to keep some holiday free for her post-operative care, whenever that might be. I was late into work today as I stayed home until a friend came around at 8:30 to help with the school run.
Academically, I think my wife understands that I need to work for financial reasons but on a visceral level she feels betrayed and abandoned by me every time I leave the house. She's cutting herself off from me and I've done nothing wrong.
I know it's her illness that makes her act this way but it's still damned hard to deal with. I do as much as I can for her and get nothing back but the odd grunt and disdainful look. I hope she gets better soon.
When I got home last night she was more upset than ever, to start with anyway. Obviously the pain and discomfort are getting her down but I think the worst of it is the moring and afternoon school runs.
I get the kids breakfasted whilst she's getting showered but then I have to leave for work. This leaves her to get the three little ones dressed and out of the door, with them as young as they are this is quite some job. The kids fight and argue, turn on the tears at the drop of a hat and generally ignore any and all requests.
It's a similar story in the afternoons but with baths and teatime thrown in. By the time I get home she's had enough of a day spent playing referee to the kids whilst bearing the pain of the gallstones and the constant fear that she might have a stomach upset away from home. She has lost two stone this year (28 lbs).
On top of this we now find she has an cyst on her ovaries and we still have no idea when treatment might be forthcoming. Oh joy, it's no wonder that she feels down. It's spiralling too as the depression is making her apathetic to the condtion at times or feel overwhelmed by small things like going out for a loaf of bread. At the moment small problems are looking a lot worse to her than the actually are.
I can take some time off work but I also need to keep some holiday free for her post-operative care, whenever that might be. I was late into work today as I stayed home until a friend came around at 8:30 to help with the school run.
Academically, I think my wife understands that I need to work for financial reasons but on a visceral level she feels betrayed and abandoned by me every time I leave the house. She's cutting herself off from me and I've done nothing wrong.
I know it's her illness that makes her act this way but it's still damned hard to deal with. I do as much as I can for her and get nothing back but the odd grunt and disdainful look. I hope she gets better soon.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
At least we know
My wife finally had her scan for her suspected gallstones today. Yes, she has several gallstones but they also found a cyst on one of her ovaries.
Now we have to wait while the letters go through to all the relevant parties before we'll get any idea of how long she'll have to wait for treatment. I hope they can do both at the same time, I'd hate for her to need two operations.
Whilt she was waiting for the scan this morning she got chatting to another waiting patient. He'd been there since 10:30 that morning and when my wife left at 12:40 he was still waiting. His scan required that he have a full bladder so he'd been sitting there busting a gut for the loo for over two hours. Call Amnesty International the NHS are torturing their patients.
Now we have to wait while the letters go through to all the relevant parties before we'll get any idea of how long she'll have to wait for treatment. I hope they can do both at the same time, I'd hate for her to need two operations.
Whilt she was waiting for the scan this morning she got chatting to another waiting patient. He'd been there since 10:30 that morning and when my wife left at 12:40 he was still waiting. His scan required that he have a full bladder so he'd been sitting there busting a gut for the loo for over two hours. Call Amnesty International the NHS are torturing their patients.
Monday, January 09, 2006
I no go bed
I've decided that I'll try and get something down in writing once a day as I'm missing too many things that I'll enjoy reviewing in later years.
Often I think, "Ooh, I must blog this or that. I'm a bit busy now but maybe tomorrow," and it never gets done. So here's today's offering.
The twins go to bed around 6:30 and the older girl about 7ish. Last night our son was bathed and ready for bed wearing his new Spiderman PJs that he got for Christmas.
"OK. It's time for bed now. Up you go," I said.
"I no go bed," he says in the broken speech of a 3 year old.
"Come on, C. I'll carry you up if you like, your tired and need a sleep."
"I no C, I Spiderman. Spiderman no go sleep."
Often I think, "Ooh, I must blog this or that. I'm a bit busy now but maybe tomorrow," and it never gets done. So here's today's offering.
The twins go to bed around 6:30 and the older girl about 7ish. Last night our son was bathed and ready for bed wearing his new Spiderman PJs that he got for Christmas.
"OK. It's time for bed now. Up you go," I said.
"I no go bed," he says in the broken speech of a 3 year old.
"Come on, C. I'll carry you up if you like, your tired and need a sleep."
"I no C, I Spiderman. Spiderman no go sleep."
Friday, January 06, 2006
So much for Christmas
Well so much for keeping my blog up to date over Christmas. I had a good, though tiring, time and recording it all here would be way too boring...even for me.
The kids all got what they wanted and a whole lot more too. Our eldest girl is most taken with her Bratz doll and DVD whilst the youngest seems happiest with her rag doll that she has named Charlotte. Our son got cars, dinosaurs and Scooby Doo stuff. He really loves the cars.
We had a few inches of snow the day after boxing day but it only lasted a day or two. Enough for the children to have a quick play outside. They were very excited about the snow but our youngest daughter soon had enough, "Can I have some warm snow Daddy?"
Best of all my wife got some new tablets from the GP and these seem to have helped her a great deal.
The kids all got what they wanted and a whole lot more too. Our eldest girl is most taken with her Bratz doll and DVD whilst the youngest seems happiest with her rag doll that she has named Charlotte. Our son got cars, dinosaurs and Scooby Doo stuff. He really loves the cars.
We had a few inches of snow the day after boxing day but it only lasted a day or two. Enough for the children to have a quick play outside. They were very excited about the snow but our youngest daughter soon had enough, "Can I have some warm snow Daddy?"
Best of all my wife got some new tablets from the GP and these seem to have helped her a great deal.
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