This is a plea to the wives and girlfriends out there. Maybe if you read it here you won't take as much offence as if your boyf/hubby were to tell you. Please, please, please, when you are out for the day and decide to pop into a shop don't say, "I'll only be 5 or 10 minutes."
It's a lie, you lose track of time when you're shopping. Just take an hour or two then we can wander off and do something more interesting than hanging around the changing rooms or carparks of the world's shops. I wasted two hours of my life yesterday sitting around waiting for '5 or 10 minutes'.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Brown soap
At the end of the second day in Southport the kids had been really busy playing at their great-grandma's. They needed a bath so we cleaned it out, filled it up and piled them in.
About 10 minutes later my 4-year old daughter casually said, "Ooo, the soaps gone brown....urrgghh it's not soap it's poo."
After the double quick exodus from the bath we find that the youngest girl had been unable to contain her excitement. So it's baths all round again.
About 10 minutes later my 4-year old daughter casually said, "Ooo, the soaps gone brown....urrgghh it's not soap it's poo."
After the double quick exodus from the bath we find that the youngest girl had been unable to contain her excitement. So it's baths all round again.
Southport
Last weekend I went to Southport with my wife, kids and parents. My wife, children and mum had driven up on Thursday, stopping off for a night with my brother-in-law in Ilkley.
He moved up there to run a fish and chip shop with his boyfriend a few years back so, we don't see as much of him as we'd like.
Anyway we went to Southport to use it as a base for a few visits to my family who mainly live in and around Merseyside. There are now so many of us that it's not fair to stay over at my Grandma's house. We usually stay at a travel lodge/inn but as they have recently put their prices up we thought we'd go for some budget accommodation at Pontins, Southport.
I have a very early memory, I was about 2 years old, of having a sore ear with a scab on it. Apparently this was from friction burns on the bumpy slide at this Pontins. Well, the slide's gone but just about everything else seems to be unchanged in 30-odd years and I don't think they've cleaned since then either.
I know it was budget but that doesn't mean dirty and inadequate. The floor was filthy; greasy carpet with soil and cigarette butts littered about. The wardrobes were designed without doors, presumably to save money, one of them also had no hanging rail.
The place was supposed to sleep seven at most and it did but if there are seven people staying then why were there only 4 plates 3 forks, 5 spoons, 1 saucepan, 4 cups etc...
The cooker was thick with grime and burnt on food. My wife and mum arrived a few hours before us with the kids and, after making a complaint and requesting the bed linen that should have been there, tried to clean up aenough to get the kids settled. When we arrived at 11:30pm they had just had the linen delivered by the security guards??? after a second complaint.
I got my head down and tried to sleep through the stench of the place, its difficult to describe but the closest I can get is half-cooked minced beef.
The next day we found that everyone staying there was complaining about the filth. A few more complaints the next day and something was done whilst we were out. They'd left some extra crockery and cutlery. They hadn't hoovered but had left a vacuum cleaner for us so we could do it.
We've taken lots of pictures and the complaints have been sent to Pontins and the EHO.
He moved up there to run a fish and chip shop with his boyfriend a few years back so, we don't see as much of him as we'd like.
Anyway we went to Southport to use it as a base for a few visits to my family who mainly live in and around Merseyside. There are now so many of us that it's not fair to stay over at my Grandma's house. We usually stay at a travel lodge/inn but as they have recently put their prices up we thought we'd go for some budget accommodation at Pontins, Southport.
I have a very early memory, I was about 2 years old, of having a sore ear with a scab on it. Apparently this was from friction burns on the bumpy slide at this Pontins. Well, the slide's gone but just about everything else seems to be unchanged in 30-odd years and I don't think they've cleaned since then either.
I know it was budget but that doesn't mean dirty and inadequate. The floor was filthy; greasy carpet with soil and cigarette butts littered about. The wardrobes were designed without doors, presumably to save money, one of them also had no hanging rail.
The place was supposed to sleep seven at most and it did but if there are seven people staying then why were there only 4 plates 3 forks, 5 spoons, 1 saucepan, 4 cups etc...
The cooker was thick with grime and burnt on food. My wife and mum arrived a few hours before us with the kids and, after making a complaint and requesting the bed linen that should have been there, tried to clean up aenough to get the kids settled. When we arrived at 11:30pm they had just had the linen delivered by the security guards??? after a second complaint.
I got my head down and tried to sleep through the stench of the place, its difficult to describe but the closest I can get is half-cooked minced beef.
The next day we found that everyone staying there was complaining about the filth. A few more complaints the next day and something was done whilst we were out. They'd left some extra crockery and cutlery. They hadn't hoovered but had left a vacuum cleaner for us so we could do it.
We've taken lots of pictures and the complaints have been sent to Pontins and the EHO.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Enough is enough
Saturday was another busy day. We got back from Eastbourne with the kids at around 10:30 Friday night and I got to bed around 11:30, up again at 6am.
Our eldest had a swimming lesson at 10:30 and all the kids went to a birthday party for a friend from nursery at 3pm.
They enjoyed the party but, overtired toddlers out of their heads on sugar are not good for my blood pressure.
At about 6:30pm I've calmed the girls down to get them ready for bed and I'm trying to do the same with my son. He has very different ideas though, throwing his toys around, screaming punching etc. A real tantrum.
I almost lost it with him but managed to walk away. I had to get out of the house to cool down and wandered around the village for a bit.
I'd strolled down one of the public footpaths that cut across fields. It passes through the back of the church graveyard, the new bit where the recent burials are. All these graves are still well tended, fresh flowers and gleaming headstones.
One of them was for a young boy, who was born on 4th August 2004. There were fresh flowers and a little stone teddy bear. As his birthday had just passed there was a new present for him, a shiny red fire engine wrapped in a little blue ribbon.
It made me cry and was just the jolt I needed to put things in perspective. My son might be a little sod when he's tired and full of sugar but I still have him and I'm so lucky.
I walked back home to give him a cuddle but he'd already gone to sleep so I just crept in the room and kissed his forehead.
Our eldest had a swimming lesson at 10:30 and all the kids went to a birthday party for a friend from nursery at 3pm.
They enjoyed the party but, overtired toddlers out of their heads on sugar are not good for my blood pressure.
At about 6:30pm I've calmed the girls down to get them ready for bed and I'm trying to do the same with my son. He has very different ideas though, throwing his toys around, screaming punching etc. A real tantrum.
I almost lost it with him but managed to walk away. I had to get out of the house to cool down and wandered around the village for a bit.
I'd strolled down one of the public footpaths that cut across fields. It passes through the back of the church graveyard, the new bit where the recent burials are. All these graves are still well tended, fresh flowers and gleaming headstones.
One of them was for a young boy, who was born on 4th August 2004. There were fresh flowers and a little stone teddy bear. As his birthday had just passed there was a new present for him, a shiny red fire engine wrapped in a little blue ribbon.
It made me cry and was just the jolt I needed to put things in perspective. My son might be a little sod when he's tired and full of sugar but I still have him and I'm so lucky.
I walked back home to give him a cuddle but he'd already gone to sleep so I just crept in the room and kissed his forehead.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Insult
Whilst we were watching the Eastbourne air show my eldest sister was explaining how, earlier in the day, they'd been to see the Red Arrows on the ground. They were signing autographs and answering questions.
Sis was musing on the age of the commander:
"He's 34. 34! Just think, " she said to her husband.
"He's the same age as you but he's the commander of the Red Arrows whilst you're a car painter."
Sis was musing on the age of the commander:
"He's 34. 34! Just think, " she said to her husband.
"He's the same age as you but he's the commander of the Red Arrows whilst you're a car painter."
Latest assignment complete
Crikey, that took a while. 45 pages of skills assessment sent of to the Open University.
I had lots to write about in the blog but had to force myself to stay away until I'd finished the course assignment, otherwise I'd procrastinate away all my study time.
Quick recap of things that have happened since I last posted.
* Our 4 year old is gearing up for school, she starts on 5th September for several weeks of half days.
* The nursery that the twins were attending on Thursdays has closed and haven't been able to fins another nurssery place that will take them for term-time only, one day a week. A childminder has proved elusive too so, we're relying on the goodwill of friends for the foreseeable.
* Eldest daughter is currently in Eastbourne with my parents for a week. Her 6 year old cousin, who she adores, is there too.
* We went to the Eastbourne air show last weekend and were treated to the first display flight by an RAF pilot in the new Eurofighter Typhoon. Apparently it cannot be flown without the aid of the onboard computer but, WOW, it turns like no other fighter plane I've seen before.
* Lots of other boring, mundane stuff I can't really remember.
I had lots to write about in the blog but had to force myself to stay away until I'd finished the course assignment, otherwise I'd procrastinate away all my study time.
Quick recap of things that have happened since I last posted.
* Our 4 year old is gearing up for school, she starts on 5th September for several weeks of half days.
* The nursery that the twins were attending on Thursdays has closed and haven't been able to fins another nurssery place that will take them for term-time only, one day a week. A childminder has proved elusive too so, we're relying on the goodwill of friends for the foreseeable.
* Eldest daughter is currently in Eastbourne with my parents for a week. Her 6 year old cousin, who she adores, is there too.
* We went to the Eastbourne air show last weekend and were treated to the first display flight by an RAF pilot in the new Eurofighter Typhoon. Apparently it cannot be flown without the aid of the onboard computer but, WOW, it turns like no other fighter plane I've seen before.
* Lots of other boring, mundane stuff I can't really remember.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Awkward questions
My train home was cancelled so I got in about 20 minutes late, just in time to get my 4 year old daughter out of the bath and dry her off ready for bed.
As I'm drying her legs, "Daddy, what does 'dead' mean?"
Oh f**k. What am I going to say to that one? "Well, when something is dead it means you will never, ever see it again."
"Forever and ever?"
"Yes."
"And people too?"
"Yes, people too. It can be very sad."
"But...where do they go then?"
er,,,uh,,,ermm. Think, think, non-religious answer. "Some people think they go to heaven to be with Jesus."
Nuts, I took the easy way out.
Well there's time to go over it when she's old enough to understand more fully.
She knows a little about Jesus as my Mum sometimes takes her to church. I was raised Catholic but am now lapsed, more agnostic than atheist. I don't believe now but I'll reserve the right to change my mind when I'm desperate on my death bed. Agnostic = hypocrit?
"Is the butterfly with Jesus?" As she points to the remains of a moth on the outside of the bathroom window.
"It might be, sweetie. Now put your nightie on and we'll have a story."
As I'm drying her legs, "Daddy, what does 'dead' mean?"
Oh f**k. What am I going to say to that one? "Well, when something is dead it means you will never, ever see it again."
"Forever and ever?"
"Yes."
"And people too?"
"Yes, people too. It can be very sad."
"But...where do they go then?"
er,,,uh,,,ermm. Think, think, non-religious answer. "Some people think they go to heaven to be with Jesus."
Nuts, I took the easy way out.
Well there's time to go over it when she's old enough to understand more fully.
She knows a little about Jesus as my Mum sometimes takes her to church. I was raised Catholic but am now lapsed, more agnostic than atheist. I don't believe now but I'll reserve the right to change my mind when I'm desperate on my death bed. Agnostic = hypocrit?
"Is the butterfly with Jesus?" As she points to the remains of a moth on the outside of the bathroom window.
"It might be, sweetie. Now put your nightie on and we'll have a story."
Nice but, not funny
We went to see the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film on Saturday. It was a belated birthday treat for my 6 year-old niece and a chance for our daughter to play with her again. They used to spend a lot of time together before we moved last year. Now it's an 80 mile round trip and whilst we visit our parents often, it isn't always easy to fit in a visit to my sister as she works shifts.
It was a busy day. Our daughter had her first swimming lesson at 10:30, then an hour's drive to my Mum's, lunch, pick up my niece, cinema, food, bit of shopping, back to my Mum's for the twins and then home. Got back around 10:15pm. Worn out.
The swimming went quite well in the end. Our little one is a bit shy of new people and situations so she took a bit of persuading and her Mum had to sit poolside with her whilst I played human Buckaroo with all the bags and the twins. There were four kids in the lesson and two tutors so one of them spent a few minutes coaxing her into the pool. Once she got in and started to do the activities she was fine, she was very full of herself on the way up to her Grandma's house.
We left the twins with my parents. I say parents but really it's Mum, my brother and sisters. Dad loves the kids but he's adept at not noticing a stinky nappy or a tantrum. I don't think he does it on purpose, he literally doesn't see or hear them unless he's focussing on them. Apparently this is a pretty standard male trait, something evolutionary to do with not needing interpersonal skills to sit on a rock all day waiting for dinner to trot past. I'm not convinced of the theory but it might explain why my wife is always saying things like, "I TOLD you I was going shopping today."
Any-who the film was OK, don't worry I'm not going to review it. People laughed in places that just weren't funny, at least I couldn't see the humour. There was one woman who laughed at nearly everything, including the adverts before it started. You know the type of person? Probably got no TV at home so finds tired jokes replayed by bored Ad-men hilarious, no doubt she'd find 'Last of the Summer Wine' a bit too risque.
Towards the end of the movie there's a scene where Willy Wonka is having his haircut and has his hat off, our daughter turns to her Mum, "Mummy, Willy Wonka looks like you."
Great. Does that mean I'm attracted to Johnny Depp? He does look half female after all.
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