Sad

My wife was very upset yesterday following on from the scan she had. At first she sounded a lot brighter than she has for months, I put this down to finally having a conclusive diagnosis of gallstones. At least we know for certain what has been cauing her all this pain and stomach trouble.

When I got home last night she was more upset than ever, to start with anyway. Obviously the pain and discomfort are getting her down but I think the worst of it is the moring and afternoon school runs.

I get the kids breakfasted whilst she's getting showered but then I have to leave for work. This leaves her to get the three little ones dressed and out of the door, with them as young as they are this is quite some job. The kids fight and argue, turn on the tears at the drop of a hat and generally ignore any and all requests.

It's a similar story in the afternoons but with baths and teatime thrown in. By the time I get home she's had enough of a day spent playing referee to the kids whilst bearing the pain of the gallstones and the constant fear that she might have a stomach upset away from home. She has lost two stone this year (28 lbs).

On top of this we now find she has an cyst on her ovaries and we still have no idea when treatment might be forthcoming. Oh joy, it's no wonder that she feels down. It's spiralling too as the depression is making her apathetic to the condtion at times or feel overwhelmed by small things like going out for a loaf of bread. At the moment small problems are looking a lot worse to her than the actually are.

I can take some time off work but I also need to keep some holiday free for her post-operative care, whenever that might be. I was late into work today as I stayed home until a friend came around at 8:30 to help with the school run.

Academically, I think my wife understands that I need to work for financial reasons but on a visceral level she feels betrayed and abandoned by me every time I leave the house. She's cutting herself off from me and I've done nothing wrong.

I know it's her illness that makes her act this way but it's still damned hard to deal with. I do as much as I can for her and get nothing back but the odd grunt and disdainful look. I hope she gets better soon.